


Miraculous

by unholyseraphs (oncharredwings)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel Hunters, Angels, M/M, Slavery, Supernatural AU - Freeform, Torture, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-06 12:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncharredwings/pseuds/unholyseraphs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is an angel, Dean is a human, they should not be friends. In a world where angels are feared and hunted, Dean Winchester befriends an angel named Castiel, their bond growing throughout his childhood until a tragedy threatens to tear them apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Angel's Mark

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this idea came from, it just sort of struck me and here it is. I have no idea how long this is going to end up being but it will be multi-chaptered as I already have the first three written and have barely scratched the surface. Please enjoy! :3

The boy with the blue eyes came so suddenly that Dean began to wonder if he was dreaming. Dean stared at him in surprise, wondering where he could have come from but there he was by the creek as if by magic. “Hi,” Dean offered politely with a smile. “I’m Dean, what’s your name?”  


“Castiel,” the boy responded before slowly walking up to him, nervously playing with his sweater.  


“Castiel?” Dean said, sounding extremely incredulous for a six-year-old boy. “That’s a weird name, I’m gonna call you Cas, okay? Wanna be friends?”  


Castiel blinked in surprise, looking up at him shyly. “Friends? Really? You want to be my friend?”  


“Yeah!” Dean said excitedly. “Where are you from? Do you live around here?”  


Castiel glanced around nervously before toeing the ground. “Kinda,” he whispered.  


“Kinda? What’s that mean? Where’s your house? I never seen you ‘round before”  


“I-I-“ Castiel tugged on his sweater nervously more, shifting from foot to foot. Dean watched in surprise as Castiel’s eyes filled with tears.  


“Hey-what’s wrong? You okay?” Dean reached over to take Castiel’s hand. “What’s the matter?”  


“I’m not supposed to be here,” he whispered, glancing around them as if someone were watching them. “I ran away…”  


“You _ran away_?” Dean whispered back, eyes going as wide as dinner plates. “Why? Are your Mommy and Daddy mean to you?”  


Castiel glanced up at Dean through his long dark eyelashes. “I don’t have a Mommy and Daddy...but my Uncle Raphael is going to be real mad at me when he knows I’m gone….”  


“Oh...do you wanna come to my house? I bet my Mommy will make us a snack, come on!” Dean held onto Castiel’s small hand firmly, pulling him along back towards the house.  


“I shouldn’t-” Castiel protested quickly but Dean was stronger than him and he had no choice but to follow behind Dean and into the small ranch house.  


“Mommy!” Dean called as they came in through the back door. “Mommy! I’m hungry!”  


Dean’s mother came around the corner and into the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. “Well hello to you too Sweetie...who’s this?”  


“Cas! He ran away from home, can he stay here and have something to eat?” Dean asked, his child innocence about the situation making his mother squirm slightly.  


“He ran away?” Dean’s mother came to kneel in front of them both, smiling at Castiel warmly. “Hello Cas, my name is Mary Winchester. Why did you run way, Sweetheart?”  


“I-...I don’t like being at home...no one plays with me,” Castiel whispered pathetically, staring at her with as much sadness as he could muster.  


“Well, you can stay for a little while if you like but you need to tell me what your phone number is so I can call your parents and let them know where you are. I’m sure they’re very worried about you.” Mary smiled again, running an affectionate hand over Castiel’s dark bird’s nest of hair. “In the mean time, you and Dean can have some icecream, would you like that?”  


Castiel nodded eagerly at her, his eyes lighting up. “Yes please, ma’am.”  


Mary’s smile widened, getting up slowly to go and put some icec ream in two bowls with spoons at the table. “I need to call your parents Cas, what is your phone number, Sweetheart?”  


Castiel shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, shrugging slightly, and quickly swallowing the frozen treat. “I dunno, we don’t have a phone I don’t think.”  


“You don’t have a phone? Well how do your parents let you know where they are?”  


“They have a special call...but….I don’t have a Mommy and a Daddy...I live with my Uncle Raphael.” Castiel smiled, continuing to eat the ice cream.  


“Special...call…Raphael...” Mary paused and then a small gasp escaped her and her skin grew pale. “Oh dear….I’ll...be right back...Dean, Dean come with me Honey.” She reached out and took Dean’s hand, pulling him down off of the chair gently and out of the kitchen.  


“Mommy, where are we going?” Dean asked in confusion, having no choice but to run to keep up with his mother as she whisked him outside and to the garage where his father was working on his car.  


“John-John-” Mary hissed, finally bending to pick up Dean and carry him on her hip. “John, you have to come quick!”  


John Winchester glanced up from the engine of the car, frowning slightly, his handsome face contorting in confusion. “Mary? What’s the matter?”  


“There’s an _angel_ in our kitchen,” Mary whispered dramatically.  


“What?!” John dropped his wrench to the ground and quickly followed her back into the house. “Take Dean upstairs.”  


“He’s just a boy, John...don’t hurt him-just-take him away from here,” Mary pleaded, holding onto Dean tightly.  


John nodded, turning and finally walking into the kitchen where the young angel sat at the kitchen table, finishing off a bowl of icecream, his face a sticky mess. “Hello,” John said slowly, his voice like ice.  


Castiel jumped, looking up at him in surprise, quickly sliding off of the chair to stand next to the table in fear. “H-hello…”  


“Why are you here?” John asked, arms crossed, glaring down at the pint sized celestial being.  


“I-I ran away-I’m sorry-I...I-I-” Castiel stared up at who he could only assume was Dean’s father, his bladder suddenly feeling weak. He had always had a bedwetting problem, and he squeezed his thighs together desperately.  


“I know what you are...and you are not welcome here. Get out of my house, stay away from my family, or the next time I see you, I’ll put a silver bullet through your skull. Got it?” John spoke slowly and firmly, hoping he would not have to kill this child, since he was only a child, but then again, he would eventually grow up to be the thing he hunted. Dangerous and vile.  


Castiel gasped in terror, tears filling his eyes, which quickly began rolling down his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice breaking as he began to cry helplessly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “P-please d-don’t kill me!”  


John paused, some of the hardness he had for the creature disappearing. For a moment, the little thing was just a six year old boy who was afraid and needed his parents. Biting his lip, John slid down to the angel’s level, wiping his face gently. “What’s your name?”  


“Ca-Cas-Castiel,” he sobbed, his breath hitching over and over.  


“Castiel? The angel of Thursday,” John mused, continuing to gently wipe the tears away. “You have to leave here, and don’t come back, understand? Stay away from here, and stay away from Dean.”  


“O-okay,” Castiel whimpered, sniffling as snot began to run from his nose.  


“Go on now,” John stood, turning Castiel around, and gently prodding him to the back door.  


Castiel continued to cry sadly, allowing Dean’s father to open the door, and then he was walking outside. A dark storm cloud was gathering and Castiel knew that he was in trouble. He stared up at the sky and sobbed, hoping that he would not be punished too harshly. John watched the little boy walk out to the middle of the yard, stepping closer to the lining of trees, and then in a bright flash of white light he was gone. The heat grew almost unbearable and John wrinkled his nose at the smell the lightning left in the air, quickly shutting the door and locking it behind him.  


“Mary! Bring Dean in here.” John slowly sat down at the kitchen table, watching as his wife came into the room, still carrying Dean, before setting him down in front of him. “Dean...you will not play with that boy again, do you understand?”  


“But why?!” Dean demanded, his eyes filling with fat tears. “I like him!”  


“I’m sorry Dean but you can’t play with him...you see, Castiel is an angel...and he’s going to grow up and be dangerous. I don’t want you playing with him.”  


“What’s wrong with angels?”  


“They’re evil creatures son, you can’t play with them. They’ll kill you if they have half the chance, understood? When you’re older, you’ll understand.” John patted Dean on the shoulder lightly. “Now, go on and mind your Mother.”  


Dean stared as his father climbed up to his feet, pressed a quick kiss to his mother’s lips, and then he was walking back outside. Dean glared at his parents, his heart breaking at the idea of not being able to see Castiel again. 

Turning, he quickly yanked open the back door and ran outside, despite his mother calling after him. He ran quickly and then he froze at what he could see on the ground. Black marks covered the grass and they ran up on the trees, scarring their bark.  


“Dean!” Mary called again, rushing after her son and quickly picking him up, staring up at the dark sky in fear. “Come back inside, it’s not safe right now.”  


“But Mommy-” Dean stopped, his eyes falling onto the ground where there was a symbol burned into the earth that he had never seen before. It was large and round with many symbols that he did not recognize inside. 

“Mommy what is that?” Dean pointed back over her shoulder desperately.  


Mary paused and turned, her eyes falling on the Enochian symbol in the ground, her heart surging in fear. “It’s an Angel’s Mark, Dean. It means an angel has been here.”


	2. Secret Place

“Cas?” Dean whispered frantically, looking around the woods and the creek for his friend. He had been told by his father to not play with Castiel ever again because he was an angel, and usually Dean did as he was told. But not this time, this time he decided he would listen to what his heart told him, and his heart told him that Castiel was a good boy and would be a great friend. He had learned about angels in school but he had never paid much attention to it since he knew he would eventually start hearing about it at home.  


His daddy was an angel hunter, the best in the state of Kansas, maybe even the best in the whole country. Dean knew that one day he would be taught how to hunt angels too, but now that he had an angel friend, he didn’t want to learn how to hunt them down. He had searched his mother’s books until he found some of the ones about angels, and had read about them; their world was different but also similar to this one, and it ran parallel to theirs, but slowly it was beginning to intersect and cross-over. Angels were dangerous according to the books he had read; they could kill a human with simply touching their forehead, and they were full of starlight and constellations. Angels were absolute, and angels were miraculous.  


Angels used to be guardians over this world until the hunters had begun to realize that angels were pulling strings on human lives. They were deemed dangerous, too dangerous to be associated with humans of any age. So the hunting had began, and at first, it had been in vain, because the angels _were_ too powerful, they _were_ too absolute. As their world became more convoluted with the human world, their powers weakened, and the hunters developed and honed their techniques. Now, angels hardly stood a chance against a skilled hunter unless they were very old and could attack first. According to the books, there were not that many angels left, they were almost extinct.  


“Cas?” he called again, hoping that Castiel would come back. Supposedly, angels could hear you talking to them, so Dean figured if he called Castiel’s name a few times, the little angel would show up so they could play. “Cas, where are you?”  


“Dean-” came Castiel’s voice from behind him, frightened and small.  


Dean spun around, his face lighting up with joy at seeing his friend. “Cas!” He rushed over as fast as his legs would carry him, and threw his arms around Castiel in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry that my Daddy scared you. Are you okay? Did you get in trouble?”  


Castiel nodded pathetically. “I shouldn’t be here...I got in big trouble back home with Uncle Raphael...but-but I wanted to see you. You’re the only friend I have.”  


Dean hugged Castiel again before taking his hand and then they were walking along together in the woods, trying to stay out of sight so Dean’s father did not come and yell at him some more. “Yeah, you’re my only friend too….’sides Sammy that is..but Sammy is tiny.”  


“Who’s Sammy?” Castiel asked, jealousy flaring his cheeks red.  


“My kid brother. He’s two, so he’s still a baby and Mommy says he can’t come play in the woods with me because he’ll get hurt. So he has to stay inside while _I_ get to play outside because I’m older.” Dean smiled smugly, touching his chest with pride.  


“Oh...is he nice...like you?” Castiel asked, glancing at Dean shyly.  


“Yeah I _guess_ ,” Dean said, rolling his eyes, pulling Castiel over some rocks as they carefully crossed the small creek together. “C’mon, I’ll show you my secret place!”  


“Secret place?” Castiel gasped, surprised that he was being taken to a secret spot.  


“Yeah it’s only for me but it can be for you too!” Dean helped Castiel finish the last few stones and then they were rushing through the woods until they happened upon a small cave, which was actually just a few large stones, an abandoned shopping cart, and a tarp hanging over it all. “Ain’t it _cool_?”  


Castiel nodded, even though he was not sure what _cool_ meant, but he wanted to at least pretend he did. Dean dropped down to his hands and knees and quickly crawled under the tarp, reaching a hand back out and gesturing at Castiel to follow. Glancing around nervously, Castiel slid down onto the ground and followed Dean until he was under the tarp. There were toys and a blanket on the ground, and a few pillows. Castiel had to admit, this place seemed more like home than his own did.  


“You like it?” Dean asked, sitting across from Castiel, his legs crossed.  


Castiel nodded, smiling. “Yeah, it’s nice.”  


“Great! You can come here and wait for me during the day if you want...I’ll come out here to find you! My Mommy and Daddy don’t know about it so we’re safe here.” Dean took Castiel’s hands in his, squeezing his fingers gently. “Okay?”  


“Okay,” Castiel whispered, nodding.  


“Hey-wanna play a game? My Daddy taught me this game.” Dean held onto Castiel’s hands, then quick as can be he slapped the back of Castiel’s hands and yanked his own away before any retaliation could take place.  


“Ow! What was that for?!” Castiel demanded, rubbing his hands sadly.  


“It’s a game! It’s called Hot Hands, you have to hit me back or you have to try and not be hit, okay? Come on, gimme your hands again.” Dean reached out to take them but Castiel shook his head no. “ _Please_ Cas?”  


Castiel paused before slowly putting his hands back out, and allowing Dean to place them on top of his palms. “You have to tell me-ow!” Castiel glared at Dean in annoyance as he was struck again.  


Dean giggled, covering his mouth as he rolled onto his back with the fits of giggles. “You’re bad at this game Cas-”  


Castiel pouted, before jumping on top of Dean and quickly shoving his cold fingers under his shirt to tickle his ribs. Dean gasped and then began to try and fight him off, cackling and squirming. Castiel smiled devilishly as he tickled Dean mercilessly, making the boy giggle and fight him. “I got you!” Castiel exclaimed.  


“Hey-hey stop-stooppp!” Tears were rolling down Dean’s face as finally Castiel pulled away, sitting back on his knees again. “That wasn’t nice Cas!”  


“It was a game,” Castiel supplied coolly, making Dean glare and pout at him.  


“Okay, okay no more Hot Hands if you don’t do that again, got it?”  


Castiel nodded. “Yeah.”  


“Good.” Dean slowly sat up, reaching out to take Castiel’s hands and inspect them. “I didn’ hurt you bad did I?” he asked, honestly concerned.  


“No.”  


“Okay…” Dean smiled shyly before brushing quick kisses on Castiel’s knuckles. “There, I made your boo-boo better.”  


“How?” Castiel asked, tilting his head in confusion, looking at his hands. They didn’t _look_ any different, and they didn’t _feel_ any different, except a little wet where Dean had drooled on him slightly.  


“That’s what Mommy does, she kisses my boo-boos to make them better….no one kisses your boo-boos at home?” Dean asked. When Castiel shook his head no, Dean almost teared up. How could his friend not have someone kiss his boo-boos? “I’m sorry Cas, I wish you could move in and my Mommy could be your Mommy too.”  


Castiel looked down at the blanket they were sitting on. The pattern on the fabric was supposed to be stars and planets, but Castiel knew that stars did not look like the small pictures. “Your Mommy doesn’t like me,” he whispered sadly.  


“...I know…” Dean bit his lip, watching as Castiel wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them up to his chest. “But I like you.”  


“I like you too Dean.”  


“Hey Cas?”  


“Yeah?”  


“Are we gonna be friends forever?” Dean asked innocently, hoping the answer would be yes. He really liked Castiel.  


Castiel smiled sadly and nodded. “Yeah...best friends...forever.”


	3. A Flutter of Wings

“Dean! Catch!” 

Dean pumped his legs faster, rushing to catch the football, almost tripping but he caught the ball with a triumphant grin, fisting it high in the air. “Take that bitch!” If his mother could have heard him talking, she would have washed his mouth out with soap (not fun, as he had discovered last week) but she wasn’t here and his friends were. Since they all cursed, he had quickly joined their lead. Besides, his dad was constantly saying fuck, so why not him? 

He could practically hear his mother’s voice as she chastised him: _Twelve year olds do not curse like grown men, young man._ Dean rolled his eyes at the memory, jogging back over to where Adam and Benny were standing. He frowned when he saw their faces, slowly turning to see what they were looking at. “What?” Dean asked, glancing over his shoulder. 

“It’s an _angel_ ,” Adam whispered dramatically. 

Castiel was standing just inside the tree lining, watching them, his too big tan trench coat hanging off of his frame pathetically. His face was dirty and Dean could just make out the color of red along his hairline. “That’s not an angel,” Dean said, hoping to keep Adam from sounding the alarm. His father would come out here for sure if he found out. 

“Yeah it _is_!” Adam gasped. “Holy shit it’s a real angel!” 

They had been taught to identify the signs of angels in school, how they were just slightly different from humans. They seemed off with the way they removed themselves from society, staring for too long, or moving too quickly for the eye to catch. Sometimes, their eyes would flash and glow a bright blue, that was how you could really know. 

“No it ain’t!” Dean insisted, trying to push them back towards the house. “C’mon, let’s go play video games or somethin’, I’m sick of throwing the football.” Adam pushed Dean away and before Dean could stop him, he was running at Castiel at full speed. Benny smirked and followed on his heels. Dean watched in horror as his friends chased Castiel into the woods. “NO!” 

Dean ran after them, almost tripping several times, but finally he came to stand by the creek. Castiel had fallen and Adam was on top of him, punching him in the face over and over. “Stop! Adam stop! Don’t hurt him!” 

“He’s an angel Dean!” Benny said, shocked that Dean would come to the thing’s defense. 

“He’s my friend!” Dean grabbed onto Adam’s arm, pulling at him, trying to get him off of Castiel but then a crack that sounded through the whole forest and bright light blinded them all for a moment. The next thing Dean knew, he was on his back, his head spinning, slowly sitting up to stare in terror. Castiel was standing next to a group of angels, older angels. They were all handsome and they all looked angry. They were also all bigger than all of them. 

“Who was it that hit you Castiel?” one of them asked, his voice deep, rolling and echoing around them. 

Castiel pointed right at Adam, his face a bloody mess. “Him.” 

The angel turned on Adam, his eyes glowing that drastic blue that made all of their blood run cold. Dean gasped, hauling up to his feet and running to stand in front of Adam protectively. “My Dad’s an angel hunter,” he snapped. “He’ll kill you! You leave Adam alone!” He would ask Castiel forgiveness later, right now he had to protect Adam. 

The angel smirked, looking at his companions in amusement. “Oh will he? Well I don’t see him around here, do you?” 

“C’mon Michael, hurry up and let’s go-” 

“Shut up Gabriel, I’m getting to it!” The one named Michael turned his piercing gaze back on Dean again. “You gonna stand in the way, human?” 

“Yes,” Dean growled, putting his fists up, glaring. His father had taught him how to fight, he could take a bunch of bratty angels. Michael laughed harshly, reaching out to touch Dean on the forehead, which made Dean almost wet himself. 

“Michael! No!” Castiel rushed over and grasped onto his brother’s arm. “That’s _Dean_.” 

Michael blinked, glancing over at Castiel in surprise. “ _This_ is Dean? That stupid human you’ve been running around to see every day?” 

Castiel blushed and nodded. “Please don’t hurt him-” 

“Fine.” Michael rolled his eyes and simply knocked Dean to the side, shoving him to the ground, reaching out to touch Adam on the forehead instead. 

“One more move and I’ll shoot him.” 

Michael froze, glancing up and realizing that there was a man in the woods, a rifle in his hand. The red dot was resting on the side of Castiel’s head. “You son of a bitch-” Michael growled, quickly pushing Castiel behind him protectively. 

“Get outta here,” John snapped. “Now...and take your brothers with you _Michael_.” 

Michael glared, grasping onto Castiel’s shoulder, and in another crack and blast of white light, the angels were gone. The mark scorched into the ground and the trees, leaving the boys breathless. John turned his eyes slowly on Dean, giving him a hard glare. 

“Dad-” Dean began, slowly getting up to his feet. 

“Go inside Dean.” 

“But Dad-” 

“Now!” John pointed back towards the house, before helping Adam to his feet. 

Dean gave Benny and Adam an apologetic stare before walking back to the house, angrily kicking rocks and abandoned beer cans along his way. Stupid Castiel had to come and ruined everything! He had gotten Dean in trouble again, and he had almost gotten Adam killed. He was going to have to teach Castiel a little lesson later. Maybe tonight when his parents were asleep. Wouldn’t be the first time he had snuck out at night to meet up with Castiel. 

“Oh my goodness, are you alright?” Mary asked, rushing to touch Dean’s hair as soon as he walked into the house. 

“I’m fine Mom,” he replied shortly, pulling away before she could fuss anymore. Slowly he went to sit on the couch next to Sam who was watching TV. “You might wanna go upstairs Sammy-” 

“No one is going anywhere,” came John’s voice as he walked into the living room, setting the gun down carefully next to the doorway. “Sam, turn the TV off, we all need to have a talk.” 

Sam immediately obeyed, swinging his legs a little. “What’s wrong Dad?” 

John slowly came to sit on his chair. “Come here, both of you, front and center.” 

Dean gave Sam an apologetic stare and then they both went to stand in front of their father, nervous. “Dad I’m sorry-I didn’t mean to-” 

John held up his hand, cutting him off. “I need you to both listen to me….Dean, I know you like Castiel and I know you think he is your friend...but he is not your friend. He is a dangerous abomination. He is going to get you killed one day, do you understand me? I will _not_ allow you to see him again, I thought you understood this when we talked about it the first time? You are to not see him again.” John spoke firmly and finitely. He would not have his son getting his little brother or even his wife killed over a childhood friend. 

“Dad it wasn't even Cas’ fault! Adam went after him and was beating him up-” 

“Yes! As he should have been!” John roared suddenly, standing, towering over the two boys. “And you know what your friend did?! He called in the calvary! The angels that came today were Castiel’s brothers! Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar! They are dangerous angels Dean! I should have shot them all when I had the damn chance! If you ever call on that angel again Dean, I will send you to a damn military school so you can learn to mind my damn wishes!” 

Dean stared up at his father in fear and hurt, his eyes filling with tears, which he was quick to blink away and quash. Boys didn’t cry. “I’m sorry Sir,” he whispered, his hands curling into tight fists at his side. 

“Good. Now get out of here, I need to talk to Sam.” 

Dean nodded, turning and storming down the hall to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Castiel had gotten him into trouble, and Castiel was going to let them hurt Adam. Dean glared angrily at his pillow, where underneath he had a picture of him and Castiel he had taken with his Dad’s old Polaroid. He yanked the picture out from under the pillow and cruelly crumpled it up, tossing it at the wall. He would see Castiel one more time, he would see him tonight, and he would teach Castiel a lesson. Castiel would never cause him trouble again.  


When the clock finally struck midnight, Dean slowly and quietly lifted up his window, before sliding his backpack over his shoulders and carefully maneuvering to the ground. Landing with the softest of thumps, Dean turned and quickly ran to the woods’ edge, slipping into the darkness before he could be seen. He walked along the path, using his small flashlight to guide him, crossing the creek carefully, and then coming to the secret place. Castiel was already there, waiting for him. 

“Dean-” he said, quickly jumping to his feet, his eyes full of hurt. 

Dean glared at Castiel, turning the flashlight off and dropping it to the ground, along with his backpack. He knelt beside it, unzipping and he pulled out one of father’s knives. The edge was tipped silver, which would burn Castiel’s skin. “How could you Cas?” he whispered, allowing his eyes to adjust to the dark before he turned to face Castiel, knife in hand. 

“Dean….wh-what are you doing?” Castiel took a step back, his hands going up in front of him out of fear. 

“I’m gonna teach you a fucking lesson Castiel,” Dean snapped, wishing he could deepen his voice. “You were gonna let your brother hurt Adam!” 

“He was trying to kill me Dean-” Castiel whined, stepping back some more, putting distance between them. 

“Yeah, yeah like he should be!” Dean snapped, brandishing the knife in front of him. “You’re dangerous! You’re bad-you’re-you’re an evil abomination who doesn’t deserve to live!” 

Castiel stared at Dean in shock, his eyes filling with tears like starlight. “....Dean you don’t mean that,” he whispered. 

“Oh yeah I do,” Dean said, circling Castiel slowly, predatory. 

“.....no..no you don’t-you-you’re my friend Dean-” Castiel began to sink to the ground, his hands shaking. “Dean-please-please don’t-don’t hurt me…” 

“Why? You gonna call your stupid brothers to come save you? Bring ‘em! I’ll kill them too!” Dean slashed Castiel harshly across his cheek, watching in surprise as Castiel screamed, his skin blistering and bleeding. 

Castiel cried quietly, reaching up to cradle his face, staring at Dean in betrayal. “I thought we were friends Dean.” 

“We were, until you decided to be a big jerk and try to get Adam killed!” 

“People kill angels every day, why doesn’t anyone care about that?!” Castiel demanded, tears falling down his face, the salt making his wound sting. 

“Because angels don’t belong here,” Dean answered him, but he did not move to cut Castiel again. 

“I thought you said I was different Dean...that...that you thought I was good…” 

Dean glared, his hands beginning to shake because even though Castiel had tried to have Adam killed, he had been simply acting as any frightened kid would act. Castiel had been trying to stay alive, and he had called his older brothers to save him...but they weren’t here now and Dean could only imagine it was because Castiel was refusing to ask them here tonight. He swallowed roughly, trying to get the lump in his throat to disappear, before tossing the knife aside, and then falling to his knees. Dean threw his arms around Castiel’s neck, burying his face in the space between Castiel’s shoulder and neck. 

Castiel frowned, not hugging Dean back, staring straight ahead, his eyes fixating on the trees. He could feel Dean shaking, but he refused to comfort Dean in any way. “I am going to go home Dean.” 

“Cas wait-I...I’m sorry,” Dean whimpered, pulling back to tilt Castiel’s chin lightly, inspecting his face. “Here-hold on-” Dean turned and scrambled back to his backpack, dumping its contents onto the ground, searching for the Neosporin. 

Castiel waited, even though he knew that he should simply leave and not come back ever again. If Dean was already cutting him in his temper tantrums, then Dean would probably grow up to be an angel killer. Just like his father. But he wanted to hold onto the belief that Dean was different, and if one hunter and one angel could be friends, then why not others? 

“Here-” Dean spun around again, pulling the cap off of the tube, putting some on his fingers, to lightly dab it along Castiel’s cheek. “I’m sorry Cas-I’m sorry-” Dean did not stop the tears from falling down his face this time, since Castiel was the only person he could cry in front of without feeling shame. Dean pasted Castiel’s face with the gel before grabbing some gauze, lightly placing that over the wound and then quietly taping it down. “There….that should-help…” 

Castiel touched the bandage on his face in surprise, before glaring at Dean again. “This does not make me forgive your insolence.” 

Dean blushed, ducking his head in embarrassment. “Cas...I-...what’s insolence?” he asked then in confusion, raising his eyes to meet Castiel’s blue ones. 

“Rude behavior.” 

“...right okay….I’m sorry-I was just mad...I got in trouble and I got mad-I’m sorry-....I didn’t wanna think that you’d let them hurt Adam. I know he hurt you-I know-....but he’s still my friend too.” Dean stared at Castiel pathetically, chewing on the inside of his cheek. 

“I don’t want to stop being friends Dean...but...if you’re already hurting me now-” 

“I won’t do it again!” Dean insisted, reaching out to take Castiel’s hands in his. “I swear Cas, I won’t ever hurt you again! Cross my heart.” Dean made the gesture, crossing his heart with his fingers. 

Castiel tilted his head, skeptically staring back at him. “You mean that?” 

Dean nodded. “Yes-please don’t stop being my friend Cas-...you’re my best friend….don’t leave and not come back….I won’t let the guys hurt you no more, but you gotta stay away okay? Just come here, nowhere else, got it?” 

Castiel nodded. “Yes, Dean.” 

“Good….I have to get back-” He reached up to touch Castiel’s bandage, leaning in and pressing a kiss to it. “There, now your boo-boo is all better.” He was glad that it was dark because now his cheeks were burning red and he didn’t want Castiel to know that he was blushing. 

Castiel blushed in return, he recognized Castiel’s body language. “Good night Dean.” 

“...night Cas.” Dean shut his eyes and then when he opened them again, Castiel was gone in a flutter of wings.


	4. Monsters

“Hello Dean.”  


Dean slowly turned around, gulping nervously at Castiel as they stood together in the woods. He had turned sixteen today and his father had given him the Impala. He was hoping to take Castiel for a ride tonight but they were going to have to be super sneaky. “Hey Cas,” he whispered, clearing his throat soon after. “You want to go on a ride with me?”  


“A ride?”  


“Yeah...my Dad gave me the Impala for my birthday-...I got the keys and everything.” Dean pulled the car keys from his pocket, dangling them on his fingers. “Come on, what do you say?”  


Castiel smiled slowly and then nodded eagerly. “I’d love to.”  


Dean smiled back and hesitantly held out his hand for Castiel to take. “Can you pop us up by the car, it’s in the drive-” Dean cut off when Castiel took his hand and then in the next moment they were standing right next to the car. “...way.”  


Castiel smiled proudly at Dean, having been getting better and better at using his wings. “I’m getting better.”  


“Yeah-yeah at least we didn’t ram into something this time,” Dean teased, remembering the last time Castiel had tried to show him what he could do. They had both ended up slamming into a telephone pole and Dean had had a bump on his forehead for two weeks. He had lied and told his parents that he had walked into it….twice.  


Castiel blushed, ducking his head, and rubbing the back of his neck in shame. “Yeah...sorry about that-”  


“Hey it’s cool.” Dean carefully and quietly opened the car door, leaning over to open Castiel’s but as soon as his fingers touched the handle, Castiel was sitting in the front seat with him and Dean’s head was right above Castiel’s lap. “....or you can do that, okay.”  


Castiel smiled, still proud of himself, thinking he was extremely clever for not having to use the door. “You know I could just take us to wherever you wish to go-”  


“Cas, I wanna _drive_. That’s the whole point of this rendezvous, is for us to _drive_.” Dean started the car, praying that the engine rumble did not wake up his parents, quickly and hazardously backing down the driveway and peeling down the street.  


Castiel startled, quickly grabbing onto the car door’s handle, eyes widening. “Dean, not so fast!”  


“Put your seatbelt on, dumbass,” Dean chided, slowing down so Castiel could buckle in. “There...don’t wanna send you through the windshield-not that we’re gonna crash or anything, I promise.”  


“Where are we going?” Castiel asked, leaning over to play with the radio knobs.  


“I dunno, just going for a drive.” Dean shrugged, watching Castiel with a fond smile. If any other person touched his radio he’d cut their hand off, but Castiel was always the exception to every rule. “So um...how’s your school stuff?” He hadn’t realized angels went to school like humans did until Castiel had told him about it.  


Castiel shrugged. “It is rigorous. I have gotten into the Warrior Division and I have to work extra hard.”  


“Warrior Division?”  


Castiel nodded. “I am going to be a soldier.”  


Dean blinked, confused, but Castiel seemed so prideful that he did not want to upset him. “A soldier? Why?”  


“Mostly all angels are soldiers Dean, we are meant to be protectors and fighters.” Castiel smiled at Dean in excitement. “Michael said I am going to be a great soldier one day, maybe even a Captain.”  


Dean slowly looked away, staring outside at the dark road, completely in shock. Sometimes he forgot about how Castiel was not human, and how different their worlds really were. Castiel was being trained to be a soldier, a warrior, for what purpose he did not know. Of course, so was Dean when he thought about it long enough. His father was teaching him to be an angel hunter, a soldier for the people. Not that he wanted it because he didn’t. He had no desire to kill angels. Not after getting to know one for the past ten years.  


“That’s great Cas,” he muttered, trying to pretend to be happy for him but he couldn’t. He just hoped Castiel didn’t hear the worry in his voice. He ended up pulling off of the country road and parking near an open field where they could sit on the hood of the car and watch the stars. “Come on.” Dean unbuckled his seatbelt and then slid out of the car, going to sit on the hood.  


Castiel slowly joined him, but instead of sitting down Castiel went to stand in front of Dean, his head cocked. “Dean?”  


“Yeah?” Dean glanced down from the sky to stare into Castiel’s eyes. The eyes that Dean always fathomed had their own constellations inside.  


Castiel gave him a shy look, his brows furrowing with uncertainty. “Correct me if I am wrong, please.”  


“Sure buddy. What’s up?” Dean sat up more, swinging his legs casually.  


“Dean...did...did you ask me to be here with you tonight because you….harbor...different feelings for me? Different from the ones you started with that is?”  


Dean watched Castiel lick his lips nervously, breaking their eye contact. “What do you mean Cas?”  


“.....do you have….deeper feelings for me?” Castiel glanced up through his lashes slightly before looking away again, shuffling his feet.  


Dean frowned, glancing down at the ground for a while. “I dunno,” he admitted quietly. “It’s complicated.”  


“Yes,” Castiel agreed immediately. “Angels are not _supposed_ to feel the same way humans do….I am not supposed to want to hold your hand or to ask you for a real kiss. That is not in my programming.”  


The frown on Dean’s face deepened as he stared at the ground, his jaw clenching in anger and annoyance. “Yeah well I’m not supposed to want you either, dumbass. You’re an _angel_ , and I’m a human... _and_ you’re a guy. I can’t like guys, okay? I can’t. My Dad would beat the shit out of me.”  


Castiel bit his lip some more, blinking the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry Dean.”  


Dean shook his head, getting up and walking away from Castiel for a moment. “Yeah me too, Cas.”  


Castiel watched Dean walk out to the middle of the field, his heart shattering. Angels were not supposed to experience human emotion but the longer he stayed around Dean, the more he felt and experienced. He knew now that he loved Dean, that was what this warmth in his chest was every time he looked at Dean. The way his stomach twisted into knots when they touched, which they did not do as often anymore, now that Dean had gotten older. Boys were not supposed to want touch or kiss.  


“Dean…” Castiel called his name softly, not able to bring himself to speak any louder. Castiel wrestled with his emotions, his eyes filling with hopeless tears. Why did Dean have to be the human that made him feel? Why had he listened to the little boy of six years of age, wanting a playmate? Why did he feel as if he were falling?  


Dean slowly turned to look back at Castiel, staring forlornly at the back of the tan trench coat which was still somehow too big for him. “Cas-don’t go-” Dean called, hurrying back over to him. “Please.”  


Castiel turned to face Dean, his breath hitching when he saw how close they were standing together. “Dean-”  


“Shut up Cas,” Dean muttered, sliding a hand up to cup Castiel’s jaw. Steeling himself, Dean leaned in and slowly pressed a nervous kiss to Castiel’s lips. He had always gotten on the guy about buying and using chapstick but surprisingly, Castiel’s lips were soft and pliant. Tentatively, Dean pressed his tongue against Castiel’s bottom lip, seeking entrance. It was only after Castiel opened his mouth that Dean began to wonder if Castiel even knew about French kissing. Pushing the thought aside, Dean slid his tongue into Castiel’s mouth slowly, nervously.  


It was easy to pretend to know how to kiss, but Dean had actually never kissed anyone before this. Not that anyone knew that of course, because Dean definitely lied about how much action he actually got on a regular basis. He heard Castiel make a keening sound in the back of his throat, which made Dean ache longingly between his thighs. He pulled back then, staring at Castiel wildly; Castiel’s gorgeous face was a mask of surprise, his full lips swollen, pink, and shiny, his pupils blown out. More than anything it pleased Dean to know he had caused the angel to have his feathers ruffled.  


“...you are a good kisser Dean,” Castiel mumbled, his cheeks slowly pinking.  


Dean grinned cheekily, giving his friend a wink. “Yeah, that’s what they all say.”  


Castiel rolled his eyes, having learned that gesture from Dean at a young age. “May we kiss again?”  


Dean smiled a little, becoming nervous all over again, his stomach making leaps and bounds. “Yeah,” he whispered, pressing their foreheads togehter. Dean inhaled slowly before kissing Castiel timidly, his hands cupping the angel’s face. He could feel Castiel’s pulse racing, which made Dean happy to know that he was not the only one freaking out on the inside. Castiel sighed and then their tongues were pressing together again with more insistence. Dean’s heart hammered against his ribcage, and slowly he moved his hands from Castiel’s face to wrap around his waist instead, pressing their bodies together. When he felt the slow build of an erection, Dean stopped kissing him and broke away, breathless.  


“Did I do something wrong?” Castiel asked, worried.  


“...no-no you-....fuck-” Dean ran a hand over his face, trying to calm down. “No you did it all right, man…”  


“Then why did you stop?”  


Dean looked at Castiel helplessly, unsure of how to explain that he had been taught that this was wrong, on more than one level. “Because I can’t have sex with an angel, Cas.”  


Castiel blinked, his eyes squinting in his classic confused way. “I do not understand…”  


“Cas, I-....if we keep doing this, I’m gonna throw you down on the hood of the car and rut until I can’t see straight…...and I shouldn’t be doing this. I can’t do this Cas. We can’t be together-we _can’t_ -” Dean straightened his leather jacket, which was actually his father’s, and quickly made his way over to the driver’s side, yanking open the door. He needed a long cold shower immediately.  


Castiel blushed before slowly walking over to rejoin Dean in the car, staring at the dashboard in shame. “I am sorry Dean, I am sorry that I am making you sin.”  


Dean swallowed roughly, looking over at Castiel slowly. They had been best friends for ten years and now Dean longed to make Castiel more than his best friend. He wanted it more than anything in the entire world. “It’s my fault Cas-I’m the one fucking this up-....I want you so bad, man. I wanna...I wanna kiss you and….do other stuff with you too-”  


“But you can’t,” Castiel finished for him.  


Dean took another deep breath, slowly starting the car and doing a u-turn to start driving back to the house. “I...I don’t know, okay? I don’t know...let me-let me think.”  


Castiel nodded, going silent, turning to stare out the window. He watched the dark trees and fields go by until they finally came back to Dean’s street and Dean shut the car lights off so he could try and inconspicuously pull into the driveway. Once the car was shut off, they sat together in the silence, Dean staring at the steering wheel as if it were the most interesting thing in the whole universe.  


“Cas,” Dean began slowly, picking his words wisely. “I..I like you-and I don’t think I can just _stop_ so I think we should...try this out-okay? If...if you want that is…”  


Castiel nodded again. “Does this mean we can kiss again?”  


Dean huffed out a laugh, leaning over into Castiel’s space. “Yeah Cas, that’s exactly what it means.”  


Castiel turned deep red until Dean kissed him and then he could only go limp against the door. He could hear Dean finagling their seat belts until they were both free and Dean was sitting back against the seat, and Castiel had somehow ended up straddling his lap, their mouths pressed together like a hot vice. Dean heard Castiel moan his name when he slid a hand inside of Castiel’s coat to press against the bulge in his jeans. Dean kneaded Castiel slowly, watching as his angel whimpered and pressed eagerly into his hand.  


“Holy shit-” he whispered, pulling Castiel’s fly open. “Can I touch you? Is that okay, Cas?”  


Castiel nodded, his lips parted and his breath panting. “Please-”  


Dean gulped before pushing more fabric aside to pull Castiel free, not able to stop himself from staring. “Son of a bitch-you’re fucking huge-” Castiel moaned in reply and Dean could only start to stroke him tenderly, trying not to blank on how the penis worked. He had one for crying out loud and he was still trying to remember how he liked to touch himself. “Is this-does it feel okay?”  


“Dean,” Castiel groaned, eyes shutting and head falling back. Dean had never noticed how sexy and gorgeous Castiel’s neck was before now. “Yes-it feels-good-”  


“Yeah?” Dean said, stroking Castiel’s cock harder. “I bet you’re a virgin, aren’t you? Bet you never even gotten off before.”  


Castiel keened, whimpering pathetically when Dean palmed the head of his cock firmly. “N-no-”  


Dean grinned, sliding his thumb to the underside to rub the vein that was pulsing with Castiel’s heartbeat. “You’re so hot Cas-so hot-” Dean panted, his own cock needing attention but he ignored himself for now, wondering if he could teach Castiel how to blow him. “Come on Cas-come on-”  


Castiel whined, thrusting back into Dean’s hand desperately, his hands clutching Dean’s shoulders so hard that Dean had a feeling he was going to bruise. “Dean-Dean-something’s-happening-to-me-”  


Dean smirked, using the precome that was messily forming to slick Castiel up so the dryness would not start to bother him. “You’re gonna come Cas-” He pressed a kiss to Castiel’s neck and then he felt Castiel’s hot seed spill over onto his hand. “Holy shit-”  


Castiel gasped, staring down at his body in shock. “What did you do to me?”  


Dean licked his lips, staring at the sticky semen on his fingers in surprise. He was used to seeing his own there but definitely not used to seeing someone else’s. “I-...I got you off,” Dean finally said, allowing his eyes to focus on Castiel instead of his hand. “...didn’t you like it?”  


Castiel nodded quickly. “It was...the best feeling-I have ever experienced-”  


Dean relaxed. “Good-...good..um-could you um-....could we try something else? I’m kind of dying in my pants right now.” Dean gestured at his own hard on which was starting to honestly hurt, he needed to get out of his pants like yesterday.  


“Oh-you wish me to return the favor, yes?”  


“...yeah-sorta...just um….” Dean glanced back over his shoulder at the back seat. “There’s more room back there, let’s um-” Dean blinked and then Castiel was sitting in the back seat, waiting patiently. “Right.” Climbing out of the car quietly, Dean slid into the back seat to sit next to Castiel nervously. The car smelled like sex and Dean was almost tempted to crack a window just in case his dad needed to drive the Impala tomorrow.  


“What would you like me to do Dean? I will try my best-”  


“Um-” Dean cleared his throat awkwardly before pulling his jeans and underwear down along his thighs, blushing when Castiel’s eyes dropped. “How much do you know about sex, Cas?”  


Castiel shrugged. “I know about mating,” he replied simply.  


“Mating?”  


“Yes, angels mate...there is a breeding season…” Castiel flushed. “I got my first breeding plumage a month ago….and I go into a heat-but um-I do not know much about the human practice of sexual intercourse.”  


“Um..well I’m sure it’s similar but ugh-there’s this-this thing…” Dean tripped over his words awkwardly, wondering why he couldn’t just come out and just say _blow job_. “It’s called a blow job and you use your mouth-....I mean if you don’t want to you-you don’t have to-I won’t force you to do it-”  


Castiel tilted his head to the side. “My mouth?”  


“Yeah-you-....” Dean stammered, trying to figure out how to explain this without making it more awkward than necessary. “You know how I used my hand on you?” Castiel nodded, staring at him with curious eyes. “So it’s kinda like that but you put it in your mouth…”  


Castiel stared at him some more before beginning to bend down, lowering his head until Dean could feel his cock going down Castiel’s throat. Dean sharply inhaled through his nose at the sensation, gripping the edge of the seat with one hand, while the other immediately latched onto Castiel’s hair. He tried not to be rough and force Castiel down further than he could go, but Dean was soon lost in his own pleasurable thrall.  


“Son of a bitch-son of a bitch-I’m gonna come Cas-” Dean groaned in the back of his throat as he came, spilling into Castiel’s mouth thickly. He was waiting to hear Castiel choke but there was no such noise and then Castiel was sitting up, his lips painted white and sticky. “...oh fuck-” Dean whispered, not able to keep from staring. “You look good like that…”  


Castiel licked his lips, and Dean watched as he swallowed slowly. “Did I do it right?”  


“Ugh-...yeah I think so-I mean I never...I’ve never um-..done that before now-” Dean shrugged, wishing his voice would stop cracking from nerves. “Did-did you like it?”  


Castiel nodded, glancing at him shyly. “Yes, Dean I enjoyed listening to you.”  


Dean blushed harder than usual, pushing Castiel’s shoulder lightly. “Shuddup-...I guess um-...I guess we should um-...I should go….before I get in trouble…”  


“Okay,” Castiel said quietly. “I will go….Good-bye Dean.”  


“Bye Cas, I’ll see you soon, okay? We can um...keep doing this-if you want...I mean-...you know what I mean.”  


Castiel smiled coyly. “I want to.”  


Dean almost went to lean in and kiss Castiel’s cheek since he wasn’t all that sure how he felt about kissing Castiel on the mouth right after the oral, but then Dean heard Castiel’s wings flutter and his angel was gone. Dean had a feeling he would never get used to that. 

 

Dean groaned, grinding his hips harder into Castiel’s pelvis, trying to stay quiet so he didn’t wake his family. “Fuck-” he hissed, his body stiffening, ready to make a mess in his boxers.  


“Are-you-going-to-” Castiel panted, legs spreading wider to give Dean more room to thrust.  


Dean nodded. He screwed his eyes shut as he pounding his hips against Castiel faster, burying his face against Castiel’s skin. His fingers curled into the dark hair that he loved to pull, and Castiel whimpered in return. Dean tried to hang on for a longer period of time but he couldn’t help but cry out when he felt his body give into the orgasm, coming hard and messily.  


Castiel gasped, soon coming just as hard as Dean, the warmth in his belly slowly dissipating. “Wow-” Castiel whispered, staring up at the ceiling while Dean caught his breath, their bodies sweaty and sticking together.  


Dean gulped, slowly tracing patterns into Castiel’s skin with his fingers. “Cas….I like you a lot.”  


“I like you a lot too Dean,” Castiel returned quietly, wishing he could tell Dean that he loved him, but that was against the law. He could not love a human.  


“I...wanna go all the way with you but-...not yet, okay?” Dean pressed a quick kiss to Castiel’s chest before sitting up and rolling off of his friend so he could change his underwear, which was sticking and starting to dry. Pulling off that mess dried would not be a fun task. “You...wanna take a shower with me?”  


Castiel stared at Dean from the bed, slowly sitting up, his legs shaking and muscles twitching. “Is that wise?”  


“If we’re quiet, they won’t know. I take late showers all the time…” Dean glanced back at him and grabbed a towel. “Come on, you’re a mess.”  


“Okay.”  


Dean opened his bedroom door, slowly peering down the hallway to make sure there were no lights coming from either end. “Come on,” he whispered, reaching back to take Castiel’s hand and pull him down the hall as quietly as possible towards the bathroom. They had been doing this for weeks, sneaking around, having quickies and then leaving. Dean wanted to extend the experience with Castiel as long as possible, so a shower sounded perfect. His hand was on the handle of the door when a voice made his heart stop.  


“Dean? What are you doing up?” came Sammy’s sleepy voice.  


Dean froze, slowly turning around to stare down at Sam who was now also standing in the hallway, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “Sam-shhh-...go back to sleep-”  


“Who’s this?” Sam asked, pointing at Castiel in confusion.  


“He’s-he’s...just go back to bed, okay?” Dean whispered, practically pleading with Sam to leave them alone. “You’re gonna wake Mom and Dad-just go-”  


“Dean,” Castiel breathed.  


Dean glanced up over Sam’s head and he met his father’s angry eyes. “....Dad-”  


John stared at them all and then calmly said, his voice quiet and commanding. “Sam, go to your room.”  


“Yes Sir,” Sam muttered before disappearing into his bedroom.  


John slowly began to walk down the hallway, looking at his son and at the angel who stood behind him. “Dean?”  


“Dad-it’s-I-” Dean stared at his father in fear, not even one hundred percent sure what was going to happen. “Dad don’t hurt Cas-”  


“Move Dean,” John said sternly. “I have told you, and I have told you...and I have _warned_ you to stay away from my son.”  


“Dad-” Dean reached out to grab his father’s arm but he was quickly shoved into the wall, and he could only cry out in pain.  


Castiel glared, his eyes beginning to glow. “Do not touch Dean again,” he growled, his voice dropping several decibels. Castiel’s eyes grew wide however when John grabbed his neck, slamming him against the wall as well, holding him still.  


“I have warned you for the last time, Castiel. You’ve had your last and final chance to stay away.” John squeezed Castiel’s throat, even as Dean was getting up to grab onto his elbow to stop him.  


“Dad stop it! Leave him alone!” Dean screamed and hit his father in the back over and over, trying to make him leave Castiel alone. He knew that Castiel could truly hurt them all if he wanted but he didn’t and Dean wanted to thank him over and over for being so kind to even the people who were trying to kill him.  


“THAT IS ENOUGH DEAN!” John shoved his son to the floor before turning to grab Castiel again but the angel was gone. He turned in time to see Castiel rush back to the kitchen and towards the back door. “Oh no you don’t you son of a bitch.”  


“Dad-” Dean sobbed brokenly. “Just leave him alone-I won’t-”  


“ _We_ will talk later,” John snarled before turning to go back to his bedroom and grab his gun.  


“John?” Mary asked, sitting up in bed. “What’s going on?”  


“Dean’s been sleeping with that damn angel, I’m putting a stop to it now.”  


“John-”  


“It’s _over_ Mary, I’m done giving Castiel chances.” John grabbed his gun and rushed out through the back door, surprised when he saw Castiel standing in his backyard, staring up at the sky as if he were in pain.  


“John!” Mary screamed rushing out to take her husband by the shoulder. “He hasn’t hurt anyone-”  


“He is dying tonight Mary-” John shook his wife free, storming right up to the young angel and placing the gun right to his chest. “You will never see my son again.”  


Castiel’s heart slammed into his chest and his instincts took over. When his eyes opened again they were shining bright blue and his Grace began to light up the entire lawn. The shadow of his wings cast across the grass and trees was menacing and intimidating. The high pitched ringing came next, making John gasp and cover his ears, dropping his gun to the ground, and soon he followed suit because he knew what would come next. However, Mary did not.  


“Mary!” John screamed when he watched as the angel’s Grace swept across the yard, ready to smite anything that came into contact with its energy. His wife’s eyes grew wide in shock and then her screams filled his ears. 

“No-No-” John sobbed crawling towards her as he watched her lifeless body collapse to the ground. The smell in the air was burnt flesh and John could only stare helplessly at his wife. He did not have to look to see that the angel was gone.  


“Mom-” Dean stared in shock, staring at the spot Castiel had been standing in, the Enochican sigil burned into the grass. “No-...no-” He slowly stumbled onto the lawn where his father wept over his mother’s charred body. Castiel had killed his mother. Castiel had killed his mother. If he had gotten there in time, maybe he could have stopped it, but he hadn’t. He had been too afraid to find Castiel dead. He had never taken into consideration that perhaps Castiel would rise to defend himself.  


His father held his mother in his arms, sobbing in agony. Dean could only slide down onto his knees next to him, reaching out to lay his hand along his father’s back. But John yanked away from his touch, raising infuriated eyes to meet his son’s. “You _see_ Dean?! Look at what he’s done! Angels are dangerous! They will _kill_ you! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE!”  


Dean flinched, pulling away, his eyes full of tears he refused to shed. Not in front of his father, not in front of anyone ever again. He had to stay strong now for Sam, and for his father. He had brought this hell upon his family because he had refused to listen and accept his father’s teachings. “I’m sorry Dad-” he whispered.  


“It’s too late for _sorry_ Dean,” John growled.  


Dean stammered but then his father was carrying his mother’s body away and he could only remain in the grass, staring darkly at the Enochian sigil. Castiel had killed his mother. Angels were dangerous, and they were monsters. He was a hunter, and hunters killed monsters.


	5. Convoluted Emotions

“Look, you give me Castiel’s whereabouts and I’ll let you go, completely scot free, no tricks, no crap...just answer me...Where is Castiel?” Dean held the knife in his hand up to the light, casually inspecting the blade’s surface. He pretended to look for nicks or scratches, but in reality he was simply allowing the glint of the blade to catch the light, intimidating his captive.  


The angel glared at him, rattling his chains in anger. “There is no angel on Earth that will give up Castiel to _you_ , Winchester.”  


Dean smirked slightly. “You sure about that?”  


“You’ve been looking for Castiel for the past fifteen years, do you really think anyone is going to give him up now?” The angel, his name was Joshua if memory served Dean correctly, narrowed his eyes coldly. “There are not enough angels left in the world to be stupid enough to give one of us up, especially to a hunter.”  


Dean snorted, pointing the knife casually at Joshua. “You listen to me, and you listen good, Castiel is _mine_ and I am going to kill him...now if I have to take all of you sons of bitches down with me as I look for him, I have no fucking qualms about that. You’re all freaks and you all deserve to be put in the fucking ground. I am not afraid of you, and I won’t ever _be_ afraid of any of you. So talk all the talk you want, but if you want to walk out of here uninjured then give up Castiel now. You have ten seconds.”  


Joshua continued to glare at Dean defiantly. He would not give up his kin to this man, not this hunter. There were not that many angels left, and the ones that were left were either being sold into slavery (the new fad that had been taking place over the past five years) or on the run from hunters. But every angel knew Dean Winchester’s name as his family’s name preceded him. He was cold, calculating, and skillful. His father had taught him well, and with John Winchester dead, Dean and his brother Sam were tearing across the country trying to find the angel who had killed their mother to collect their long awaited vengeance.  


“Ten….nine….” Dean began to count, slowly removing his gun, waiting for Joshua to crack. This angel was spineless, he would break, and then when he did, he would shoot the bastard.  


“I will die before I give Castiel to you….filth….you say that we are the abominations but you do not see _me_ torturing and killing people!”  


Dean pointed the gun between the angel’s eyes. “Three…two…”  


“Go ahead, shoot-”  


Dean glared, pulling the trigger and sending a bullet between the angel’s eyes. He watched in satisfaction as the bullet did its work, stealing the angel’s grace and turning him mortal as he died. Dean had heard it was painful and slow, even if the bullet was put in the brain. “You’re not people,” he replied coldly before walking out, knife in one hand and gun in the other.  


“Did he crack?” Sam asked, clamboring to his feet as Dean left the room, the heavy dungeon door slamming behind him. The brothers worked out of a bunker that their father and Bobby Singer had been building throughout their childhoods. The place was stocked with weapons, books, a garage, and a full house with a kitchen, living room, and bedrooms buried underground. Dean considered the place home, Sam was still wanting to return to Lawrence because _that_ was home.  


“No,” Dean said offhandedly, setting the gun on the table, followed by the knife. “I need a beer.”  


“Dean, we’ll _find_ him.” Sam bit his lip, quickly following Dean, honestly worried about his brother. Dean had become obsessed with angel hunting after their mother had been killed fifteen years ago, and ever since he had been training and on the hunt for Castiel. However, the angel had always seemed to be one step ahead of them, and he’d been outsmarting the Winchesters for a long time. “He can only run so far...maybe he’s been put in the slave trade? We haven’t even checked there yet. I could start a search online, I’m sure for the right price, any owner would give him up to us.”  


Dean glanced over at his baby brother, taking a long swig of beer. Every time he looked at Sam he could only see the snot faced little brat who drove him crazy as a kid. Sometimes it was hard to remember that Sam was a grown man now, and college educated. He knew what he was doing and could hold his own in a fight, but that did not mean that Dean did not worry about Sam constantly. He had made a promise to his father that he would never let another family member die because of something he had done. Especially Sam.  


“Yeah maybe,” he admitted finally, taking another swig of beer. “You start that search up, I’m gonna go get rid of the body before it starts to stink up the place.”  


“Okay sure.” Sam nodded, eagerly rushing over to his laptop to find the government’s website on angel slavery. At first the slave trade had been an underground business but once the government had been alerted to what a danger angels were to humans via a hunter in the CDC, the U.S. government ate up the profits. Now the angels in slavery were all registered and their files were accessible online to just about anyone with wifi connections. They were all tattooed on their wrists with a serial number that could be scanned so their whereabouts could be kept track of. If Castiel was in the system, Sam would find out about it. For Dean’s sanity’s sake he could only hope that Castiel was indeed in the government’s system. 

Dean hauled Joshua’s body to where they burned all of the angels that were killed at the bunker, tossing it aside like trash before lighting the body on fire. The cold air ripped through the leather jacket that had once been his father’s since it was so threadbare after having worn in consistently for so long. He needed a new one truth be told, but he couldn’t bring himself to part with this one. It was one of the last things he had left of his father. His eyes fell to the silver ring on his hand, tears slowly forming in his eyes. The ring had once been his mother’s and his father had given it to him when he had found it on her nightstand. No one could figure out why she had taken it off the night of her death, but Dean was glad it had not been ruined in the accident.  


The accident.  


Dean still had trouble coming to terms with what had happened that night. All he did know for certain was that Castiel had murdered his mother when he could have simply left. And that he was going to exact his revenge on Castiel, and each year he did not find him, hardened Dean more. Each year he grew more creative in his ideas of how to torture Castiel, in how to kill him. He would make Castiel regret what he had done, and he would make him regret the running away even more. Castiel was a coward that allowed his brothers and sisters to fall and die rather than come and face Dean face to face.  
“Stupid son of a bitch,” Dean muttered, before finally turning to head back inside the bunker, his teeth having started to chatter.  


“Dean!” Sam called from the library, his voice sounding happy.  


Dean tossed his coat aside, hurrying off to where Sam was sitting with his laptop. “Yeah? Did you find the bastard?”  


“He’s not in the system but I think I got a lead.” Sam spun the computer around so Dean could see the web article he was reading.  


“Okay so some gas station in Indiana has a lottery ticket winner, so what?” Dean shrugged, rolling his eyes. “You wanna get rich so bad Sammy, go play the lot-”  


“Dean look in the _background_!” Sam pointed frantically at the picture.  


Dean gave him another skeptical stare but he leaned in to focus on the photo more, and then he had to do a double take. “You gotta be fucking kidding me.” In the background of the photo was a man with dark hair and stubble along his jaw, and even though he had grown more rugged over the years, Dean would never forget those eyes. “He’s working at a fucking _gas station_ in Indiana, are you fucking shitting me?”  


“I’ll get the address.”  


Dean grinned, barking out cold and relieved laughter. After fifteen years he finally had the son of a bitch. “You aren’t coming with me Sam.”  


“What? Why?! Dean-I have to come-”  


“No Sam, this is my duty.”  


“She was my mother too!”  


“But _I_ killed her!” Dean snapped back at him, eyes cold, his voice raising. “Okay?! I did that! It was _my_ fault, so I have to be the one to do it, okay? I’m gonna put his fucking lights out.”  


Sam looked away, glaring in annoyance. He had a feeling this would happen, Dean would rush off being the white knight for the both of them. “It’s not fair Dean.”  


“Well guess what Sammy? Life _isn’t_ fair. We learned that shit the hard way. I won’t risk losing you too, you’ll stay here and give me intel, got it?” When Sam didn’t answer him, Dean reached down to grab Sam’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Got it?”  


“...yeah...got it.” Sighing, Sam ran his fingers through his long hair, doing a quick search to pull up the gas station’s address and writing it down on a slip of paper for Dean. “Here.”  


“Thanks.” He snatched the paper out of Sam’s fingers and began the walk back to his room to start packing.  


“How long are you gonna be gone?” Sam asked, quick on Dean’s heels.  


“No idea, until however long it takes me to kill him. Hopefully, not long...but at least three days.”  


“So how long is too long?...I mean when do I need to come looking for you?” Sam frowned, honestly worried that maybe Dean was in over his head with this one. Castiel was smart and he remembered Dean telling him that Castiel had also trained as a soldier. Angelic soldiers were dangerous when cornered, and knowing Castiel, he would do anything to stay alive.  


“You won’t come after me, got it? If I don’t come back, I don’t-”  


“Don’t say that Dean! That’s bullshit and you fucking know it. If you’re not back in a week, I’m coming after you.” Sam grabbed Dean’s shoulder, spinning his brother around, tears in his eyes. “You keep telling me that you don’t want to lose me, but guess what Dean? I don’t want to lose you either. You and Bobby are all I have left….so don’t say I can’t come after you.”  


Dean licked his lips and nodded. “Okay. Fine, one week and you can come look for me. Got it? But you call me first, okay?”  


Sam nodded. “Okay that’s fair...keep me updated.”  


“I will.” Dean gave Sam a smile, which he hardly ever gave up these days before pulling him in for a long and much needed hug. “It’s almost over Sammy, I can feel it.”  


Sam clapped Dean on the back once before stepping back. “Yeah me too...good luck, man.”  


Dean smiled again, lightly patting Sam’s cheek affectionately. “Thanks. See you in a week.”  


Sam nodded, watching as Dean picked up his bag and began to walk off towards the garage. He just really hoped it really was almost over because he wasn’t sure how much more Dean could take onto his shoulders. 

 

Castiel smiled kindly at his regular Lisa as she walked out the door, her morning coffee in hand and car keys in the other. The gas station was unusually empty today but Castiel didn’t mind, he liked the quiet and the peace he found in simply cleaning and organizing shelves. Working with his hands made it easier to forget that he was constantly on the run. Constantly fleeing for his life. But he had not seen or heard about Dean Winchester for the past three months or so, and he finally felt comfortable in his own life.  


Checking to make sure there was no one pulling up and ready to come into the station, Castiel made his way over to some shelves that needed organizing. His mind wandered to Dean and he began to wonder how Dean was doing. How he was coping. Well, Castiel supposed that Dean was coping by hunting his kin and slaughtering them for sport, but Castiel knew that that was not coping. Even though he knew Dean hated him for what he had done (and over the past fifteen years, Castiel had grown to hate himself even more) he could not stop worrying about him. Dean had always been his friend, even now if Dean were to walk into the gas station in tears, begging for forgiveness, Castiel would probably blindly wrap his arms around Dean and tell him that it was all alright.  


And then Dean would probably stab him in the heart.  


But that was besides the point, really. The point was that Castiel could not stop seeing Dean as his friend and comrade. He could not stop seeing Dean as his lover. The way Dean had made him feel, the way Dean had touched and kissed his body….the thoughts and memories made Castiel ache in a very human way. For fifteen years Castiel had denied himself pleasures of the body because he could not imagine himself with another human, and even during angel mating season, he ignored his urges. Of course with their numbers dwindling, so did their times of breeding. Castiel could not remember the last time his wings had molted and been replaced with the shimmering iridescent breeding feathers.  


The door’s bell tingling made him startle, turning around to see who had walked in so he could greet them with a smile. But as far as he could tell, there was no one there. A frown slid between his brows, his eyes squinting slightly. “Hello?”  


“Long time no see Cas.”  


That voice. He knew that voice. Castiel did not have to turn around to know that Dean Winchester had found him. He shut his eyes and said a silent prayer before turning around slowly to face Dean for the first time in fifteen years. The image of the hardened man in front of him did not match Castiel’s memories of the handsome boy he had fallen in love with. Tears filled his eyes and even though he did not want to show weakness, some of them fell anyway. “Hello Dean,” he whispered, not able to speak any louder.  


Dean’s eyes narrowed at Castiel, drawing the knife from his coat and placing the tip to Castiel’s adam’s apple. “I’ve been waiting for this day for fifteen fucking years, you son of a bitch! I’ve killed hundreds of angels looking for you and you couldn’t just come out and take it up the ass like a _real_ man?! You had to let your siblings die _for_ you? You’re a coward. You were a coward then and you’re still one now.” Dean dragged the knife down Castiel’s throat to rest on his chest, his eyes cold and full of hatred.  


Castiel dropped his eyes down to the knife that rested in the middle of his chest, waiting for Dean to simply plunge the blade into his flesh. He had thought that when Dean did finally find him (he had always counted on it really) that he would resist and fight back, but now that the day had come and Dean stood there ready to kill him, Castiel could not bring himself to even try to fight. “Go on,” he whispered. “I know you want to.”  


Dean frowned, taken aback. “What? You’re not going to fight me? Are you fucking kidding me Cas?! Fifteen years you’ve run away from me and now that I’m here you won’t even _fight_ me?!”  


“Dean I’ve come to hate myself probably more than you’ve come to hate me...and I am ready to die, I just ask that you make it quick.”  


Dean snorted in derision. “Yeah right, I’ve thought long and hard on how I’m going to kill you and it’ll be anything but quick, you piece of shit.”  


Castiel glanced over at the station that had a new customer pulling into the parking lot. “Well either you end my life now or you wait until my shift is over so you are not caught and called a murderer. Can you wait six more hours Dean? Then you can do whatever you want to me.”  


Dean’s eyes narrowed in rage. “No. I know you, you’ll take off. It’s over Castiel, it ends now.”  


“Then you may want to take me out back...just a suggestion.” Castiel glanced again at the door where a man was walking up to the glass, ready to walk inside.  


Dean glared, pressing the knife against his chest until he felt it prick through Castiel’s clothing to his skin, but then the door was opening and he slowly hid the knife again. “You take off and I swear-”  


Castiel nodded at Dean evenly before turning to smile and greet his new customer. He quickly slid behind the counter to allow the man to pre-pay for gas and then he and Dean were almost alone again. Dean stood impatiently off to the side, glaring angrily at the coffee machine, ready to draw the knife again when the guy drove away. The silence in the gas station was deafening but Dean kept himself controlled. He glanced over at Castiel behind the counter at the front, his eyes taking in the sight of Castiel trying to play human. He wore a blue vest and underneath a long sleeved striped purple shirt. The jeans fit him….well, Dean had to admit, Castiel’s jeans fit him nicely.  


He glared, trying to remain angry but the more he studied Castiel the more his anger began to dissipate, being replaced with longing. He could never admit to Sam how at times, on some very lonely (drunken) nights, he laid in bed and prayed to Castiel. He prayed that he’d find him so they could talk things through. He was tired of chasing the angels, he was tired of hunting. But then the morning would come and he would harden over again and return to the grind. Seeing Castiel again in the flesh was beginning to make his chest tighten in mixed and convoluted emotion. When the man drove away, Dean did not even notice, he just continued to stare at Castiel brokenly.  


Castiel quietly walked over to the gas station door, locking it and then flipping the open sign off before walking up to Dean in slow but even steps, not breaking eye contact. “I’m ready Dean. Go ahead.”  


Dean tightened his grip on the knife, willing himself to just plunge blade up through Castiel’s chin, to simply forget the torture bit, just end his life now. But he just continued to stand there, breathing raggedly, his knuckles turning white.  


“Dean?”  


“I-...I _can’t_ -” He turned away, running a hand through his hair, clearly distressed. “I can’t do it-I can’t-”  


Castiel frowned, tilting his head in confusion. “Why not?”  


“I don’t know! Okay?! I don’t know!” Dean angrily put the knife away in his coat, leaning heavily against a counter, trying to resolve himself into killing the angel at last. “I just...can’t.”  


Castiel approached Dean slowly, wanting to touch his shoulder but he refrained. “Do you want me to do something? To anger you?”  


Dean took in a sharp breath before slowly looked over at Castiel in surprise. “Like what? Attack me?” When Castiel nodded, Dean felt his heart break. “You’ve been running away from this for fifteen years and now you’re offering to instigate this whole thing? Why?”  


“Because it’s time...it’s time that you do what you need to do to have peace for yourself. You deserve peace Dean. If my death will bring that to you, then I will help you as best as I can.”  


Unwanted tears filled Dean’s eyes, which he found to be ridiculous, why was he crying over the creature that had taken his mother from him? “Cas-”  


Castiel raised his head, light gathering in his palm. “Tell me when.”  


Dean stared at Castiel’s hand as he gathered what was left of his power to use against Dean in a fight. Panic filled him but he still did not take the knife from his jacket. “No Cas-....no it’s over, I’m done….I-” He paused, an idea striking him so strongly he gasped.  


“What?”  


Slowly, green eyes met blue and Dean smiled. Castiel did not like that smile. “I know what I’m going to do with you.”  


No, Castiel did not like that smile at all.


	6. Marred

Human eyes studied him as if he were cattle as both men and women circled his pen, scrutinizing him as a prize to be had. Dean had not killed him but now that he was here, locked in a cage, his wings and body on display, he wished that Dean had killed him. Torture would have been better than this indignity.  


 _“I know what I’m going to do with you.”  
_

_“What?” Castiel had asked, his eyes worried, slowly lowering his hand.  
_

_Dean smiled coldly. “And you’re going to come nicely because you owe me, you bastard.”  
_

_“Dean-”  
_

_“Come on Castiel, it’s time to go where you really belong.”  
_

At the time, Castiel had not understood what Dean had meant by those words but he had learned quickly that Dean was intending on selling him into slavery. They had taken Castiel gladly, their pockets greedy for more money. His freedom had been stripped from him in a matter of minutes, and Castiel had turned to watch Dean walk away, his heart broken, feeling utterly betrayed. He had feared slavery worse than death, and now he was in chains, naked and exposed. He knew what happened to angels in slavery, and Castiel had a feeling Dean did too.  


The numbers on his wrist still stung and ached, the flesh permanently tattooed with black ink that would always be a reminder that he could be bought and sold like property. Even now, Castiel did not hold any anger towards Dean, even though Dean had given him up to the people who would most likely end up killing him. He deserved this fate, he had to pay penance for what he had done to Dean’s mother. The time had come to pay for his sins.  


“How much?” came a cold and deep voice.  


Castiel slowly glanced up from the ground to stare at the man who was talking to his seller. He was a tall man in a nicely tailored suit, his hair dark, and his face handsome, but even though he was a handsome man, there was a coldness to his eyes that Castiel did not like.  


“One million,” was the immediate response.  


“I’ll take him.” The man held out his hand for a handshake.  


“Nice doing business with you Mr. Roman.”  


Mr. Roman turned and smiled at him slowly and Castiel felt his stomach and heart collide. “We’re going to have much fun, you and I.”  


Castiel slowly closed his eyes, wishing he could fly away but the men had clipped his wings cruelly, and now he could not disappear at will. They had fixed him with a rough collar that could not be removed by force; the cold metal was engraved with symbols that kept his power tampered down so he could not cause his master harm. Castiel was helpless and soon they were unchaining him and fixing him with new chains so he could be led away. His new master kept smiling at him with the cruelest of grins, and Castiel did his best to not look at the man as he was led away so he could be put into a cage and transported to his new home.  


When tears slid past his defenses he felt a harsh whip crap against his back, drawing blood. Angels were not supposed to show emotion. Unless that emotion happened to be agonized pain. He flinched and forced himself to stop crying, his shackled ankles shuffling along until the men prodded and forced him into an iron cage, coldly stuffing his wings inside, cramping him up completely. The man in the suit walked up to the cage slowly, that evil smile on his face.  


“Hello Castiel,” he said, placing his hands along the bars of the cage. “My name is Dick Roman but you will call me Master if I address you, do you understand?”  


“Yes,” Castiel muttered, pulling away from the bars as best he could manage.  
“Yes, _what_?”  


“Yes...Master,” he whispered.  


Dick grinned. “Perfect.” 

 

“So he’s dead?” Sam asked, watching Dean carefully.  


“ _Yeah_ , damn it Sam how many times do I gotta tell you that Cas is dead? Huh?” Dean threw his coat on the couch, going to collapse into his favorite recliner, his body exhausted.  


“It’s just-you don’t seem as happy as I thought you would be is all…” Sam shrugged, confused.  


Dean rolled his eyes, putting his feet up slowly and relaxing. “I’ll be happier when I get a beer and I finally get laid.”  


Sam snorted. “So...are we done hunting for good now?”  


Dean shrugged, taking the beer Sam offered him. “Thanks….I dunno, maybe. I mean if we get a case then I guess we can take it, but I’m not going to be actively hunting like I used to, no.”  


Sam nodded, slowly sitting down on the coffee table in front of Dean. “Good...I mean...it’s not that I didn’t mind hunting, it’s just-I don’t know Dean-...I’ve been having doubts about it...you know?”  


“ _Why_?” Dean looked at Sam incredulously, surprised those words had left his brother’s mouth.  


“Because….I found this website….you have to see it Dean-it’s awful-” Sam bit his lip before jumping up to bring his laptop out, setting it down so Dean could watch the video.  


“What is it?”  


“It’s this video that got leaked onto the internet pretty recently….there’s this group of people who are trying to get the angels free because of the way they are being treated...and they got into this guy’s house, Dick Roman? He’s terrible Dean-he tortures them...and he puts them to work…” Sam went to click play but Dean snorted as if he could care less.  


“Sam they’re _slaves_ , that’s what people do to slaves. They’re not human, okay? So what if this guy tortures ‘em? They probably deserve it anyway.” Dean reached for the TV remote but Sam smacked his wrist. “What was that for?!”  


“You’re going to watch this video Dean! I-I want to help them…” Sam clicked play before Dean could protest again.  


“Whatever,” Dean muttered, taking another swig of beer, turning his eyes to the screen. The woman who came on screen was leading her camera crew quickly through a dark hallway and through a heavy metal double door. Inside, she quickly turned to the camera to whisper to her audience.  


“We’re in Dick Roman’s estate and this here-” she turned to gesture at the dark room, and slowly the camera’s light slid around it, revealing body after body, before focusing back on the hostess. “Is where Mr. Roman keeps his collection.” The crew moved slowly, the lights revealing angels battered and bleeding on a dirty tile floor, covered in body parts, blood, feathers, and other questionable body fluids that Dean was not sure he wanted to know what they were. “He buys a new one every month and puts them through their paces before beginning to torture them for fun.”  


Sam covered his mouth in horror as they revealed what was left of a mangled corpse hanging from meat hooks. Dean felt his stomach twist and he had to force his body to not throw up. He had tortured a lot of angels during his time, but not like this. The angels were all chained down to the floor and walls, laying on the ground lifeless even as they stared back at the camera helplessly. There was no hope in their eyes, even though there were people there filming them for the world to see. Their wings were all mangled and bloody, feathers and chunks missing.  


Dean kept his face unreadable even though inside he was afraid that Castiel would be sold to this man. He had hopes that whomever bought Castiel would end up killing him and doing Dean’s dirty work, but Dean could not stand the idea of Castiel coming here. Sam finally had enough and reached over to shut the laptop, his skin pale, and his hands shaking. “You okay Sammy?” he asked quietly, concerned for his brother.  


Sam nodded, taking a moment to collect himself. “It’s awful Dean….and it’s not just that guy doing that stuff to them...a lot of people do that kind of shit, I’ve been researching...there’s a guy out in Canada who has an arena he puts his angels in...he hunts them down for sport and fun. He tells them that if they can get out, then they can live, but they never do...there’s pictures and stories and...people brag about this stuff Dean! They think it’s funny….I just don’t know if I can hunt anymore..not after this.”  


Dean set his beer aside, worried he would just throw it all up if he drank anymore, running a hand over his face. “So what are you telling me, Sam?”  


“That I want to help them Dean...I-...I want to do the right thing. I’ve been thinking about it Dean, what we’ve been doing, what we’ve done...Mom would be _ashamed_ of us! She never liked Dad hunting, she never condoned it, you know that. I know you know that. They fought about it all of the time...and….I think she’d look at us now and be ashamed.” Sam stared at Dean, completely lost and estranged. “I can’t condone it anymore either, I’m sorry.”  


Dean frowned, staring at the shut laptop on the coffee table, his hands slowly clenching into fists because he knew Sam was right. His mother would be ashamed of them and of what he had become. “I know,” he said quietly. “What can we do Sam, we’re just two guys….we’re hunters-even if we did help somehow...the angels would never trust us.”  


“I looked up the woman’s name, her name is Lisa Braeden...I think we could contact her, tell her what’s happened...tell her everything...and then we could offer our help….I’m doing this Dean, with or without you. So make your choice.” Sam stood, gathering up his computer and walking away, leaving Dean alone in the living room to think.  


Dean had been a hunter for half of his life, a ruthless killer who only wanted one thing: to see all angels put to death. Especially Castiel. Yet, he had let Castiel walk, he had let the angel live because when it came down to it, he could not put that knife in his chest. He had loved Castiel, maybe he still loved Castiel, he wasn’t even sure anymore. So he had sold Castiel into slavery in hopes that the angel would get what was coming to him eventually, and Dean could wipe his hands clean of all of the blood and filth and finally start to live a normal life. He dropped his eyes at the hands that had claimed hundreds of angels’ lives and he knew that they would never come clean. His skin was marred eternally and he had a feeling it could never be cleansed.  


“Sam?” he called, wondering why he was doing this.  


“Yeah?”  


“I’m in….it’s probably stupid but I’m in.”  


Sam smiled to himself. “Good. I’ll let her know.”  


“Yeah you do that…” Dean rubbed his eyes slowly, leaning back into the chair until he realized how tired he felt. He only meant to close his eyes for a moment but soon sleep pulled him under, and the nightmares followed, nipping at his heels. He dreamt of Castiel, he dreamt of him being locked away in a dungeon, his wings mangled and dirty, his body cut and beaten up. The blue eyes that Dean still loved and thought on often, were dead, the life in them gone. The constellations burnt out. No matter how hard Dean tried, he could not wake up.


	7. Where Angels Die

“You will do as you are asked, no questions, and no talking, am I understood?”  


Castiel nodded, his eyes on the floor as Dick Roman led him into his large mansion, which crawled with angel slaves, weighed down by chains and wounds. “Yes Master.”  


“Good. Do you have any talents, any skills that could be of use to me?” Dick glanced back over his shoulder at the once proud angel, his calculating eyes looking his purchase over carefully.  


“I was a soldier,” Castiel replied quietly. “A long time ago.”  


“Hm...well you will not be a soldier here. I need someone in the kitchen, cleaning, cooking, can you do those things?”  


Castiel nodded quickly. “Yes..Master.”  


“Good.” Dick snapped his fingers and every angel froze in their task, turning to face their master, their eyes glued to the floor. “You! Take Castiel to the kitchen, show him around.”  


Castiel glanced up as an a small angel walked up to him, flinching as he stepped around Dick Roman, muttering for Castiel to follow after. He felt Dick’s eyes piercing them both as Castiel silently followed the small angel, his mind racing to think of the angel’s name. He recognized him, he was younger than Castiel, one of the youngest in the garrison. “Samandriel,” he finally whispered as he suddenly remembered.  


The angel glanced back at him and nodded. “That is my name,” he muttered. “Hello Castiel.”  


Castiel nodded and then they were in a large kitchen, fully stocked and full of the best appliances. There were already several angels working but they did not even cast them a second glance as they walked in. “Do you know what happened to Michael and-”  


“I am sorry Castiel, I do not know what happened to your brothers. For their sakes, I hope they are dead,” Samandriel whispered. “Now be quiet, we must only talk about work….okay?”  


Castiel nodded his compliance, listening as Samandriel led him around the kitchen, showing him where everything was placed and how things worked. He bit his tongue so as not to start asking about the house, about their new master, and still about his family. He would do anything to find Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar. He had been looking for years after they had been separated when their world had finally broken apart and merged with the human world. Here on Earth, there was no safe place for an angel to hide, and he feared that his brothers were long dead. They had been powerful and strong angels, the most feared and the most loyal, but they were no match for a planet full of humans who hated angels more than they hated each other.  


“Any other questions, Castiel?” Samandriel asked, turning to face his older kin.  


“No...no other questions,” he whispered.  


“Good...then I would get to work if I were you...Roman gets real upset if you don’t pull your weight.”  


Castiel nodded, wishing he could wrap his arms around Samandriel in a long and drawn out hug. Angels did not show each other affection, not in the same way humans did, but Castiel had learned to love like a human could love. However, when Samandriel turned and left him in the kitchen with the other silent workers, he could only turn to face his task at hand. Cleaning dishes was not the worst thing he could imagine having to do, but that did not stop him from hoping that death would follow him and finally end this torture. 

 

For the first month of his enslavement, Castiel did not receive too harsh of punishments, simple scoldings, a few lashings, nothing catastrophic. He was even given his own small room which had a beat up mattress to rest on and a candle to use for lighting at night when the room became too dark. He worked in the kitchens mostly but when Dick realized that he was strong, he was moved from the kitchen and made to work outside. He worked in fields and helped build anything he was asked to build. Angels could not feel weary like humans could, but after days of work without much rest Castiel could feel the toll. Without being able to use his Grace to heal his body and wounds, he could not recover properly. And he was not the only one.  


“Faster!” the overseer screamed at one of Castiel’s brethren, cracking a whip harshly across his back.  


Castiel flinched, slowly standing to peer across the field. They had been carrying heavy sacks of stones to be used for a project that the master was working on. They did not ask questions or really wonder what they were doing, they simply did as they were told. The man standing over the angel was screaming at him to pick his sack back up and to get back to work. The angel on the ground was Ezekiel, and Castiel remembered that Ezekiel had been a good soldier. He did not deserve to be treated this way.  


“I said _faster_ , if you don’t get your ass up and start working, I’ll make you wish you were never born you sack of shit!”  


Castiel dropped his own work and began to cross the field, wishing he could summon his Grace to smite the cruel man whipping and screaming at Ezekiel. The other angels watched him storm across the field in his anger, whispering to themselves. When the overseer raised his wrist to crack the whip down upon Ezekiel again, Castiel grabbed his wrist and held the man still, his blue eyes fierce. “You will not touch him again,” he growled, shoving the human to the ground with ease in his newfound strength.  


“You insolent-” The overseer scrambled away before jumping to his feet, cracking the whip to strike Castiel harshly across the face. “Do it again, I fucking dare you.”  


Castiel cried out in pain, covering the right side of his face, the blood trickling to his palm quickly. His eye ached and stung and his vision blurred to the point of not being able to see out of his right eye anymore. Had the man disfigured him? “I said you will not _touch_ him again!” he roared, slowly dropping his bloody hand to the side, not caring that he was going to be punished. This was his cross to bear and he would carrying it proudly. He had to pay for his sins.  


“You’re asking for it, you son of a bitch,” the overseer growled, raising his whip again.  


“That is enough,” Dick Roman’s voice slid over to them like silk, making them both pause to look over at him. “Aaron, take Ezekiel to solitary confinement….Castiel, come with me.”  


Castiel turned first to help Ezekiel to his feet, giving him a weak smile. He could only hope that Ezekiel survived tonight, and the look in his comrade’s eyes was thankful, so Castiel nodded at him and then he could only turn to follow behind Roman. They walked away from the fields, past the other workers, and then towards a door that Castiel had never seen before. He had heard about a door that angels went into and did not come back out. Maybe it was his time of dying after all.  


Dick pulled the door open and the smell made him place a kerchief over his nose and mouth, making sure Castiel stood inside before shutting the door and flipping a light switch. The fluorescent light above them buzzed and flickered several times before finally coming on and washing the room in a cold white light. “This is where I bring angels who do not obey me.”  


Castiel stared in horror at the carnage all around him. Angels were laying on the floor, hanging on the walls, some alive and some dead, all battered, beaten, carved, and mangled. Their wings were bloody messes and weakly drooping. Feathers and blood covered the floor, body parts were collecting maggots and flies. The whole place reeked of death and disease.  


“Do you see Castiel what will happen to you if you continue to disobey?” Dick asked, gesturing at the room with one hand.  


Castiel could only nod in horror, wishing he could set his kin free, but he knew there was nothing he could do, not with being powerless at least. “Yes Master,” he muttered quietly.  


“Good, now get back to work.”  


Castiel nodded again, his good eye scanning the room one more time in search of his brothers but he did not see them. Dick prodded at him until he was walking out the door, leaving the cold room behind, his stomach unsettled. That was where angels went to suffer and die. Castiel frowned, resolved to make sure his brothers and sisters did not end up there, he would take all of their punishments on his body if he must. “Master,” he said, quickly turning to face him, daring to be bold.  


“Did I give you permission to speak?!”  


Castiel flinched, glanced up at him nervously. “Do I have permission to speak, Master?”  


“Make it quick, I have work to do.”  


Castiel nodded, daring to even meet Dick Roman’s eyes. “I offer myself as the body the punishment is dealt upon….no matter who has committed the crimes.”  


Dick snorted, looking Castiel over carefully. “You are offering to be a whipping boy are you?”  


“Yes….Master.”  


He could only chuckle darkly at Castiel’s courage. “I would take up your offer but it would be pointless to punish you for things you have not done...then the crimes will only continue to happen as I am punishing the wrong angel. Go Castiel, go back to work before I have them drag you away.”  


He went to protest but Dick was walking away, leaving him to only stammer and stare helplessly. He turned his eyes back to the door, staring at it brokenly. When he went back to that place, he could only hope it would be to set his brothers and sisters free. 

 

“You’re joking….” Lisa Braeden stared at the two hunters in her living room, not sure if they were even speaking seriously. When they just stared back at her blankly, she shook her head in disbelief. “You’re not joking...but...why? You hunt them for fun and now you want to help?”  


Sam nodded, clasping his hands together. “Yeah...look I know it sounds crazy, I get that it’s just-...we know what we did was wrong, and after seeing your video online...well, we want to put a stop to it.”  


Lisa frowned, sitting back away from them both, shaking her head again. “Hunters wanting to set angels free? Why? So you can go back to hunting them?!”  


“No!” Sam exclaimed, his hand reaching out to her as if he meant to grasp her train of thought from the air. “It’s not that...we genuinely want to help you. We know a lot about angels, we could probably do something, right?”  


“Forget it Sammy,” Dean growled, glaring at Lisa coldly. “She’s got her head so far up her ass, she won’t ever take our help.”  


“Excuse you!” Lisa glared right back at Dean, her eyes narrowing. Despite Dean’s good looks, she wouldn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. “I don’t trust you, especially _you_ Dean Winchester. I know about you, I’ve known about you for years. You were after the angel Castiel, weren’t you?”  


Dean broke eye contact, dropping his eyes to the floor. “Yeah, and he’s dead now.”  


“Dead? Castiel is not dead.” Lisa stood, walking over to her computer to bring it to life. “I keep track of all of the angels coming in and out of the trade, watching them be shuffled from person to person. Castiel was put into the trade recently, and then he was sold to Dick Roman.”  


Fear gripped Dean so hard that his heart thumped several beats out of rhythm, his extremities going cold. Dick Roman had bought Castiel. His nightmares were coming true. “That’s-that’s impossible-” he tried to lie but his voice cracked and he could feel Sam’s eyes on him. “I-..I killed Castiel-”  


“Not according to this you didn’t,” Lisa replied smoothly, bringing up Castiel’s file and stepping aside.  


Sam jumped to his feet to look before slowly turning to glare at his older brother. “You lied to me?”  


Dean flinched, staring at his boots with great interest. “I…..yeah-yeah Sam, I lied to you.”  


“ _Why_?”  


“Because I couldn’t admit that I’m a failure that’s why!” Dean slowly stood, looking up at Sam in pleading desperation. “I couldn’t kill him, okay? I couldn’t do it-so...so I sold him hoping that some other bastard would do what I couldn’t-but-” Dean stared at the screen helplessly, quietly begging Castiel for forgiveness. “I never meant for him to-to go to that asshole…”  


Sam frowned more before turning to look at the screen again, sighing. “Could we get him back?”  


Lisa shrugged. “I don’t know, I doubt it...my crew and I are banned from going even five miles near Dick Roman’s property….I don’t know how I can help you...and even if I could, who said I’d want to? You people disgust me.”  


Dean took a deep breath through his nose before speaking again, trying to keep his voice from breaking, sitting back down. “Cas-...Cas was my best friend when I was little...I remember I-...I kept asking for a playmate because Sammy was too little to play with me outside...and then-there he was, just standing there with me. He told me he’d ran away and I took him in my house, and my Mom gave him ice cream….my Dad found out what he was and told me I couldn’t play with him anymore but I didn’t listen. Cas and I were friends for ten years...ten really good years…” Tears slid down Dean’s face unchallenged, his hands shaking so badly he had to clasp them together to make them stop.  


“But then...a bad thing happened-...my Dad-....Cas was defending himself and he ended up killing my Mom-he didn’t mean to do it..I think I always knew that-even when I told myself he had murdered her on purpose, so I could stay angry….so I hunted him for fifteen years and when the final hour finally came-...I couldn’t do it….I couldn’t kill Cas because-..because I love Cas.” Dean’s voice broke then and he had to cover his face pathetically, trying not to choke on his own emotions.  


“Dean…” Sam whispered, going to sit next to his brother, laying a hand on his back.  


“I love him and I gave him to that monster…” Dean looked up at Lisa pathetically. “I’ll do anything, please...please help us find him.”  


Lisa blinked some tears away, annoyed that she was honestly touched by Dean’s story. “Okay...okay I’ll help you.”  


“Thank you.” Dean’s shoulders slumped, and he closed his eyes to quietly say a prayer to Cas and hope that he had his listening ears on. “What do we need to do?”


	8. On the Back of Broken Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long for me to update (I've been swamped with work)

“Cas you’re going to get us all killed,” Samandriel whispered as they walked quietly down the hallway, a group of angels behind them.  


“I’m getting you all out of here and you’re going to run, do you understand?” Castiel peered down the darkened hallway and then they were going out the servants’ door, slipping past the guards that Castiel had disposed of earlier. He had been putting this plan into motion for four weeks and he had accounted for every detail.  


“Castiel-”  


“Shh.” Castiel placed a finger to Samandriel’s lips to quiet him. “See that gate there? That is where you are going to go...okay? Take them, there are others already waiting for you….”  


“What about you?”  


Castiel smiled weakly and shook his head. “I’m staying here Samandriel….I have sins I have to pay for.”  


“No-no Cas-you can’t-” Samandriel protested but Castiel was already pushing him away and he had no choice but to lead his small band of angels towards the gate that Castiel had pointed to, sticking to the shadows. Castiel watched them go before sliding back through the door, shutting it quietly. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and then he turned to return to his room.  


“A little moonlight walk Castiel?”  


“ _No_ -” Castiel gasped, shocked to see Dick Roman standing there in his regular suit, his eyes cold.  


“Did you really think you would get them all out of here? Safely? You’re a fool Castiel with a foolish plan.”  


Castiel spun around to yank the door open, intending to scream for them to run, to get away from here as fast as possible. Before he could say anything, his kin’s screams answered him instead. He listened to them screaming in agony and Castiel knew that Roman’s men had them, killing them all in cold blood. Castiel sobbed, falling to his hands and knees. “No-nononono.”  


Dick stared down at Castiel coldly. “You have disobeyed me for the last time Castiel.”  


Tears slid down Castiel’s nose, dripping to the dirt beneath him. “Go ahead,” he growled. “Kill me.”  


“Kill you? Now why would I do a thing like that? Oh no Castiel, you made me lose a lot of angels tonight, you have to...pay for your sins.”  


Castiel’s blood ran cold. 

  


“Wait where is this door?” Dean asked, peering at the blueprints of the estate helplessly. “How do you expect us to get in there without getting shot anyway?”  


“We did,” Lisa replied shrugging.  


“Yeah and you got arrested,” Dean countered, glancing up at her slowly. They had been planning this rescue for four weeks and over those four weeks Dean had come to realize that Lisa liked him. He wasn’t even sure how to really tell her that it was only men that stoked his fire.  


“Better than getting shot,” she pointed out coyly.  


“Look I can’t risk getting shot or arrested, I have to get Cas outta there.” Dean turned when he heard Bobby’s truck rumble up the road, and then Sam was getting out, rushing over with supplies.  


“Hey, so get this, we found another way in...there used to be this underground tunnel that ran under the house that the smugglers used to use, and we know where it is. Even if it’s sealed off we can probably break the wall down,” Sam said triumphantly with a smile. “Better than trying to just waltz in, am I right?”  


“You idjits are gonna get us all killed,” Bobby snapped, coming to join them slowly.  


“Yeah but you’re here, aren’t you?” Dean said, looking up at the man that had been more of a father to him and Sam than John Winchester had ever been.  


“Yeah, yeah get your panties out of that bunch Dean,” Bobby said, rolling his eyes. “Where do ya want me?”  


Lisa took the blueprints from Dean and laid them out on the Impala’s hood. “I’ll be here with the car running so we can high tail it out of here when you guys arrive. Dean and Sam are going in the tunnels to get Castiel and as many other angels as you can, got it?”  


“Hey-hey we never agreed on that!” Dean said, glaring. “I’m here for Cas, I’m not here for-”  


“Dean, she’s right,” Sam cut him off. “And you know it.”  


Dean blushed, ducking his head. “Fine, okay, whatever.”  


“Bobby, if you can stay here with me and the truck, that would be good...help me keep a look out,” Lisa said, glancing over at the older man.  


Bobby nodded. “Alright, I suppose if I have to stay here.”  


Sam looked over at Bobby and smiled at him. “Bobby, your job is just as important as ours.”  


“Sure it is,” Bobby muttered bitterly. “Now go on, get outta here, both of ya. Let’s get this show on the road.”  


Dean nodded, taking the map from Lisa and handing it to Sam. “Okay, let’s go.” 

  


Castiel screamed for so long that his voice ran hoarse and he could not muster up any more energy to cry out in pain. Meat hooks connected to his shoulders where his wings met muscle were hanging him on tiptoe, blood running down his body in thick rivulets. Roman had been cutting and slicing his body for the past three hours and he was not sure how much more he could take.  


“It’s a shame that I have to ruin you like this really,” Roman mused, wiping his knife on the apron he wore over his dress shirt, tie, and slacks. “You were such a pretty angel.”  


Castiel raised his gaze to Roman’s, glaring as hard as he could manage, not daring to break. “You’re going to have to kill me.”  


“Oh don’t worry, that’ll come, that will come. _Patience_ , angel….now….let’s get to the real work.” Roman walked up to Castiel, picking up a pair of sharp shears. He ran his fingers along a long and soft primary feather, pulling it slightly. “Now, this _is_ going to hurt.”  


Castiel watched as Roman casually clipped his wings at first, cutting away the primaries to prevent his flight which was a routine procedure done to the angels. His eyes narrowed however when Roman finally cut high enough to cause pain and bloodshed. His wing twitched and jerked dramatically, the hooks and chains keeping them from going very far. Castiel bit his tongue until he could taste iron, but soon he was screaming as Roman stripped and cut his wings to bits. Roman smiled the entire time he clipped and cut, yanking feathers free, not even caring when Castiel’s blood ended up on his face.  


“Such a naughty little pigeon,” Roman tsked. “You have the ugliest angel wings I have ever seen. Now your _brothers_ , they had beautiful wings...it was a shame to have had to ruin them all.” Roman glanced over at Castiel and he watched in amusement as the angel stared back at him in confusion. “Didn’t you know? I bought your brothers when they appeared on the circuit five years ago. They didn’t last long...which was a pity...they were all so disobedient.”  


“No-” Castiel sobbed brokenly.  


“ _Yes_ , it was a pleasure to finally cut Michael’s head from his shoulders. I’m sure even Dean Winchester would have been proud. Perhaps I’ll send him your head when I’m through, I’m sure he’ll be glad to know that you’re finally dead.” Roman picked up a new tool, placing it over a small flame to heat it up until it was red hot. He approached Castiel slowly, watching his eyes follow the hot piece of steel.  


Castiel’s breath came in raggedly, trying to break free but each movement was agony and it only made the meat hooks dig into his body further, fresh blood slipping down his spine. “Just kill me-”  


“Oh no, I’m not through with you.” Roman’s smile twisted maliciously and he slid the poker lower until Castiel had a feeling he knew where it was going. “I was told that you liked sleeping with boys, Castiel.” Roman tsked him, shaking his head. “We’ll have to burn that sin out of you right now.”  


Castiel screamed again, his body shaking and twitching as he felt the burning pain in his body. Roman shoved the poker further inside of him, twisting and cutting, smiling at the smell of burnt flesh. Eventually, Castiel’s body sagged and he could no longer scream, the pain was causing his vision to go white, and then he vomited his own blood all over himself. Dick Roman’s cruel laugh was the last thing he remembered. 

  


“Cas?! Cas!” Dean knelt at Castiel’s crumpled form, shaking him desperately. “Cas-Cas wake up-come on man-don’t do this to me-you can’t die now-you gotta wake up you asshole.”  


“Dean? Dean he’s gonna get away-” Sam looked in at Dean, wishing his brother would let it go. Castiel was probably dead, they had to get Dick Roman before he could take off. “Dean!”  


Dean’s voice cracked when he said Castiel’s name again but still there was nothing and he had no choice but to stand up and leave him there, tears streaming down his face. He pulled his gun free, mentally scratching Dick Roman’s name on the side of every bullet in his gun. Sam ran along side him as they chased Roman out of the house and into the back where he was making a run for the gate. Dean shot his gun at Roman twice before hitting him in the leg, and he watched in satisfaction as the bastard dropped.  


Roman groaned, still trying to crawl away but the brothers were soon on him and he felt a foot dig into his shoulders, pressing him into the ground. He couldn’t help but laugh, relaxing into the ground. “How ironic, two angel hunters turned angel saviors. Well you’re too late Dean Winchester, I’ve killed your little blackbird.”  


Dean snarled, grinding his foot into Roman’s injured leg until he heard his knee pop. “You sick son of a bitch, what did you do to him?!”  


“He got what he deserved!” Roman snarled, glaring back at the two men. “He was an abomination.”  


“ _You_ are the abomination, you fucking freak,” Sam snapped, aiming his gun at Roman’s forehead.  


Dean stared at him coldly. “Shoot him Sam.” Dean removed his foot and turned to walk back towards the house. The sound of the gun filled his ears but he kept walking, pushing open the door to kneel slowly at Castiel’s side. The mangled and heavy wings were broken, sticking every which way, and Dean carefully moved them aside, running a hand along Castiel’s soft hair. “I’m sorry Cas,” he whispered. “I’m sorry-” Dean jerked when Castiel’s eyes snapped open, blue and startling.  


Sam’s footsteps returned and he stared in shock as the angel began to move, slowly sitting up, his body weak. “Holy shit-”  


“Cas? Cas!” Dean reached out to gently take Castiel’s shoulder and arm in his hand, helping him sit up. “Hey, look at me-are you okay?”  


Castiel raised his eyes and his head tilted to the side. “Who are you?”  


Dean gulped audibly and then he saw how the side of Castiel’s head was bloody and beaten. “Cas it’s me..it’s Dean….don’t you remember?”  


“No.”  


Dean slowly shut his eyes, trying to keep his composure and when he opened his eyes again he could only stare at Castiel sadly. He had come to save his angel but he was too late and now Castiel couldn’t remember him. He slowly stood and he turned and walked out of the room, not caring when Sam called after him. Dean removed his phone to call Lisa, waiting until she answered, keeping his voice low so it didn’t break with tears. “You have to help him.” 

 

The South Carolina summer heat radiated through the Impala and no matter how high Dean cranked the AC, he could not escape the unbearable heat wave. “Come on Baby,” he coaxed, trying to get the car to blow colder air. “Sweatin’ my damn balls off, least you could do is help me out a little bit.”  


“Dean you have to stop talking to the car like it can understand you,” Sam chimed in, even though he had been feigning sleep for the past hour.  


“You’re awake?”  


“I never fell asleep.” Sam sat up more, cracking his neck.  


“So...so you heard-”  


“Yeah I heard the whole pep talk, the flirting, and coaxing. Dean, it’s a car, not your girlfriend.” Sam gave Dean a look that told him that Sam found him pathetic.  


Dean pouted, patting the Impala’s dashboard. “He didn’t mean it Baby, he’s just jealous of our relationship.”  


“Dean you need therapy.”  


“Shut up-”  


“Dean you’re gonna miss the turn!” Sam pointed to the dirt road that Dean almost missed turning on, but at the last moment Dean yanked the steering wheel, almost careening off of the road entirely and into the rows of corn that lined the road. “Jesus Christ Dean-”  


“Hey it’s not my fault you distracted me!” Dean snapped, finally regaining control of the car, slowing down so they could pay attention to house numbers. “What was it again?”  


“224.”  


“Right…” Dean squinted and peered at each tiny mailbox number cursing when they never came across the right one. “Damn did I miss it?”  


“No you couldn’t have-hey-wait, Dean keep going.” Sam pointed further down the street to where there was a lining of trees.  


“Sam-”  


“Just keep going damn it.”  


“Fine, fine...bossy.” Dean smirked slightly, pulling the car further down the street until they saw a hidden driveway with a box that had an old 224 printed on the side.  


“See, what’d I tell you?” Sam replied smugly with a smile.  


“Yeah shut up, know it all.” Dean turned the car down the driveway, slowly driving up, the trees on either side making the whole place seem menacing. “Fuckin’ creepy…”  


“I don’t know, I think it’s nice,” Sam said with a shrug. When they finally rounded the bend, Sam gasped at the size and grandeur of the house; it was old and white, the shutters and door painted black. Flowers were in abundance and Sam could tell they cared about landscaping here. “Wow it _is_ nice.”  


“Yeah no shit,” Dean muttered, getting out of the car slowly, pulling at his t-shirt, trying to get some air to his skin. “You sure this is it?”  


“Yes I’m sure, I triple checked Dean!” Sam insisted, hurrying up to the door and ringing the bell. Dean followed slowly behind, watching as the door opened; a short man with messy dark hair and short beard was standing in its place. “Hi...I’m Sam Winchester...are you Chuck Shurley? We spoke on the phone?”  


“Oh-oh yes. Yes, hello-I’m Chuck-” the small man nodded and smiled. “You must be Dean.” Chuck turned his eyes on the older brother, smiling.  


“Yeah, I’m Dean.” Dean slid his hands nervously into his pockets, his stomach beginning to twist and ache with his anxiety. “What’s it to you?”  


“Dean!” Sam hissed. “Sorry, he’s just nervous.”  


“Oh that’s alright, come in, please.” Chuck stepped aside, allowing Sam and Dean to step into the thankfully cool house. “I’ve been telling him about your arrival for a few days, he’s very excited to have visitors.”  


Sam smiled, giving Dean an encouraging look. “He is?”  


Chuck nodded, leading them down the hall and passed several open archways that led to different rooms. They made it back to the back of the house where there was a large row of glass windows and a glass door, the kitchen to the right. “He’s out back,” Chuck explained, opening the door. “He has this fondness for the bees.”  


Dean followed behind Sam, going back out into the ungodly heat, his eyes taking in the sight of the beautiful backyard. Flowers grew everywhere, all sorts of colors and variations. Fruits and vegetables were growing in even rows where there were a few men going through and picking them. Well not men, they had to be angels, lost and broken in this wayward home. Chuck led them further into the large garden, and down a path that on either side grew tall grass and flowers. Dean’s heart beat faster and sweat ran down his neck to his shirt in embarrassing amounts. They followed the winding path until finally Dean had to stop because Castiel was sitting on a large rock, his legs crossed, and his back to them all.  


“I’ll be right back,” Chuck whispered to the two of them before walking up to Castiel to touch his back.  


Sam gave Dean a quick smile. “He looks good.”  


Dean could only nod once, his throat almost closing, the tightness in his chest making him gasp for air. Castiel stood and followed Chuck over to them, his simple light clothing hanging off of him to allow for air to pass through the thin fabric, which Dean figured kept him cool in this summer heat. Dean bit his nails into his palm to keep from tearing up, his face a stone mask.  


“Castiel, this is Dean and Sam, do you remember me telling you about them?" Chuck asked gently.  


Castiel nodded, turning his brilliant eyes to Dean’s before moving them to meet Sam’s and then he smiled. The smile was so friendly and kind that it made Dean’s broken heart shatter a little more. “Hello,” he said warmly. “I’m Castiel.”  


Sam nodded, offering his hand. “Sam...we um...we know each other-or we used to.”  


“We do?” Castiel took Sam’s hand slowly, having learned that handshakes were a common human custom.  


“Yeah...this is my older brother Dean, you know him too.” Sam gestured at Dean, hoping Dean’s face would finally jog Castiel’s memory.  


Castiel stared at Dean a moment, waiting for the handshake to be offered but none came so he smiled instead. “Hello Dean.”  


Pain surged through Dean’s entire body as Castiel uttered that phrase. He had wanted it and feared it all at once. Castiel did not understand what that phrase meant to Dean, not anymore, but to Dean it meant a lifetime of hellos and a lifetime of goodbyes. It meant that Castiel had been his friend once, his best friend, his lover, Castiel had been everything and Dean had torn it all down in favor of his misplaced anger. The person he had really been angry at all of these years gone by, was himself, not Castiel. He knew that now, he could look in the mirror and realize that the person that should have had a bullet in their skull, should have been himself. Not the angels, and not Castiel. “Hey Cas,” he whispered, returning the usual greeting, wishing that Castiel could remember him.  


“I’m sorry…I don’t remember either of you...I hope we were friends?” Castiel smiled warmly at the them. “Do either of you happen to like bees?” 

  


“There isn’t anything you can do?” Dean demanded of Chuck later as they stood in the kitchen together. Sam was still outside, letting Castiel show him the beehives and where they collected honey. Dean had declined going, he hadn’t been able to take one more second with Castiel. Not this Castiel, not this broken visage of a great and powerful angel.  


“We have tried everything,” Chuck insisted quickly, rushing around the kitchen to start preparing dinner. “He can’t remember, we’ve had doctors come and look him over...we’ve tried herbs, medication, everything. I’m sorry, I’m afraid the damage is probably permanent….and really, it is probably a good thing he doesn’t remember.”  


Dean glared, reaching out and grabbing Chuck by the front of his shirt, hauling him up against the wall. “Don’t you say that you son of a bitch! Cas is my friend, and I refuse to let him just forget the shit we’ve been through together!”  


Chuck flinched, staring up at Dean in fear. “D-Dean….it is..it is probably good he doesn’t remember you trying to hunt him-that he doesn’t remember the torture he received….the things done to him-they were awful-the things he’s seen...it’s a good thing, I promise.”  


Dean glared more, angrily stepping away to bring a fist to his mouth, taking a steadying breath. “I need him-" Dean cut off, tears breaking his voice. "I need him to remember me…”  


“I’m sorry Dean, there isn’t anything else I can do for him,” Chuck said quietly. “Your best bet is to talk to him, remind him of the things you two did together, the things you’ve experienced...but I’m warning you, if he starts to remember...you may not like what he ends up becoming.”  


Dean glanced back at Chuck before turning his eyes back outside where he could see Sam walking up to the house, the sun starting to set and cast a golden light over the garden. “You think talking would help him?”  


“It might,” Chuck said gently.  


“Okay.” Dean opened the back door, holding it for Sam, who gave him a strange look, but he ignored his brother and instead shoved his hands deep in his jeans’ pockets and began to walk back towards where they had found Castiel earlier. The air had cooled down some but it was still unbearably hot. He walked slowly, kicking pebbles along the way, trying to figure out what he was going to say to Castiel. He wished he could hide the truth from Castiel, but if he tried that and then Castiel did start to remember, he would be caught in a lie. And honestly, Dean was tired of lying.  


Castiel was sitting on the same rock he had been earlier, watching the sunset. Filling his lungs once, Dean slowly walked over to stand next to him, not saying anything, the words caught in his throat. He glanced over at Castiel a few times, smiling slightly when he saw the happiness in Castiel’s eyes as he watched the sky change colors. “It’s so beautiful,” Castiel whispered.  


Dean nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed quietly, even if he wasn’t talking about or looking at the sunset. “It is.”  


Castiel smiled more and turned his face to look up at Dean. “Sam said we were friends, you and I, very good friends.”  


“....yeah...yeah we were. A long time ago, when we were six years old. I met you in the woods and we were best friends after that. We played almost every day together. I taught you about this world and you taught me about yours. You were a really good guy, Cas. Always have been.” Dean sank down to sit on the ground, pulling his knees up and draping his arms across so he could rest his chin on them. “You were the best friend a kid could have ever asked for.”  


Castiel stared at Dean and Castiel could see the sadness in Dean, and he had to wonder what kind of life he had lived to cause such sadness at such a young age. “You are sad,” Castiel told him quietly, sliding off of the rock to sit next to Dean in the grass.  


Dean turned his face to look at Castiel, trying to give him a small smile. “Yeah I guess I am.”  


“Why?”  


Dean huffed, turning his gaze back to the setting sun, watching as some birds flew across the sky. “Because I broke you Cas.”  


"I’m sorry I don’t understand…”  
Silence filled the space after because Dean could not find the words and he knew if he spoke again he would break down into a sobbing fit. The sky bled across the sky, reaching in long crimson tendrils. “Cas you used to be a soldier, a great and powerful angel.”  


“Yes, Chuck told me this. I do know that I’m angel, I have not forgotten that.”  


“Well you um...you had these three brothers...Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar. You loved them a lot, you would tell me about them constantly, and I met them once...it wasn’t a good meeting, but I guess if I would have met them under different circumstances, we could have gotten along….you were miraculous Cas….you were starlight and lightning. You were my best friend...and I did this to you.” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep the tears at bay. He could not cry, not now, he didn’t deserve to cry.  


“But you were not the man who made me lose my memories, Chuck told me about Dick Roman-”  


“Yeah but I was the one who sold you Cas, I did that...I-...it’s a really long story,” Dean finally whispered, staring down at the ground, watching as some ants began to crawl towards his boot. They walked in a straight uniform line, determined for their path. Dean watched them and he began to wonder what it would be like to be that small, to have to look at the world from such a tiny perspective.  


Castiel tilted his head, reaching over to lay his hand along Dean’s shoulder gently. “I’m a good listener.”  


Dean slowly turned to meet Castiel’s eyes, searching for the constellations in his eyes. They were gone. “I’m not good at talking.”  


“Well what are you good at?”  


Dean blinked away hot tears that rushed to his eyes. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I don’t think I’m good at anything.”  


“Everyone is good at something Dean.” Castiel smiled warmly. “You should stay here awhile, this is a good place. You seem like the kind of man who needs some healing, this place will give that to you...and...and then we can learn how to tell your story together….we can put the pieces back and make the picture.”  


Dean’s breath hitched in his chest and his lip began to tremble dangerously. “You’d like that Cas?”  


Castiel nodded, wiping his thumb along Dean’s check where a tear escaped. “I would like that, yes. You seem like a good man.”  


Dean shut his eyes, more tears escaped against his will, and he eagerly pressing his cheek against Castiel’s hand. He had missed Castiel’s touch. “Okay,” he whispered, holding onto Castiel’s wrist so he could not pull his hand away. “I’ll stay.”


	9. I Remember

“What is with you and bees man?” Dean asked Castiel as they sat together in the last light of a July night, sharing two halves of a popsicle.  


Castiel smiled, collecting the juices as it melted and ran down to his wrist and fingers. “They’re comforting Dean.”  


“ _Comforting_? Those little fuckers will sting you and then they die, how fucked up is that?” Dean shifted his legs slightly so Castiel did not see the boner that was starting to form the longer he watched Castiel run his tongue up and down the dessert.  


Castiel rolled his eyes, which made Dean’s heart jump and beat a little faster. He had learned to do that before, maybe he was learning and remembering again. “They don’t sting _me_ ,” Castiel replied, sliding that stupid popsicle into his mouth to suck on.  


Dean stammered, quickly looking away, focusing on the fireflies that were beginning to make an appearance throughout the yard. “Ugh yeah? That..that’s good I guess-” Dean cleared his throat, setting his popsicle stick down on the ground, having finished his a while ago. When Castiel moaned slightly, Dean had to yank his knees to his chest, trying not to rock back and forth like an insane person. “You really like that don’t you?” he asked, refusing to look at Castiel again until he was sure the guy had finished.  


“Mmhmm, they’re very good.” Castiel licked the last bites up, before copying Dean and setting the stick and wrapper down on the ground. “Did you like yours?”  


Dean nodded quickly, starting to sweat again, despite the night bringing cooler temperatures. “Yeah, yeah it was good.”  


Castiel smiled, leaning back on the palms of his hand to look up at the stars and the moon as it rose. “It’s a beautiful night.”  


“...yeah it is,” Dean agreed, finally relaxing again, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked at Castiel again, in time to watch him lay down on his back, his hands behind his head. Dean’s eyes slid down Castiel’s body slowly until it came to rest along where there was a strip of skin visible between his shirt and pants. A lump formed in the back of Dean’s throat, and he had to look away once more, his blood pulsing and rushing from his head down to the other.  


“Are you alright Dean? You seem nervous,” Castiel asked, watching Dean and how his body was stiffening and he tried to curl up tighter into himself.  


“I’m fine,” Dean lied quickly, starting to rock even though he mentally told himself to not rock back and forth.  


Castiel sat up, placing a concerned hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean-” he whispered. “What is it?”  


Dean blushed, looking over at Castiel in shame. “I...you-......Cas you’re hot,” he finished lamely.  


“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, pulling his hand away. “I was not aware my skin was so warm-”  


“No-no-you’re...you’re attractive. Okay? You’re attractive...and I like that-I like you-I think you’re attractive-” Dean stopped himself before more words could vomit their way out of his mouth and into the air.  


“You find me attractive?” Castiel asked slowly, forming each word carefully, testing the waters.  


“Yeah-yeah I find you attractive Cas….I’m sorry.” Dean threw his hands up in the air, glad that this conversation had distracted him from the throbbing erection in his jeans but it hadn’t gone away yet either.  


“Why are you sorry, Dean?”  


“Because it’d be wrong to take advantage of you Cas, you can’t even remember who you are, and here I am telling you that I want to have sex with you.” Dean picked the grass, pulling the blades free and tossing them aside in a slow methodical circle, not looking at Castiel at all. He pouted pathetically, wishing Castiel did not make him feel like a sixteen year old boy again.  


Castiel blushed and walked his fingers to the back of Dean’s neck and up into his hair. He had had dreams of touching Dean’s hair, it seemed so soft and perfect. He stroked the back of Dean’s head, watching as Dean shuddered and goose bumps formed all over Dean’s body. “I wouldn’t mind it,” Castiel finally whispered nervously. “Having sex with you.”  


Dean looked over at Castiel nervously, and he saw the nervous sixteen year old angel in the Impala with him the first night they had explored each other’s bodies again. “Cas-” He slid his hand to Castiel’s waist, pressing closer to him until he could smell a faint sweet scent that made Dean’s body ache even more.  


“Dean?” Castiel whispered back, glancing up at him shyly through his long lashes, his cheeks pinking.  


Dean paused for a moment before finally closing the distance and pressing a kiss to Castiel’s lips timidly, his heart fluttering and his palms beginning to sweat. Castiel really did turn him into a nervous schoolboy. One arm snaked around Castiel’s waist pulling him close, while the other cupped Castiel’s face, running along the rough facial hair growing. He liked the rugged look on Castiel, it made him sexier somehow. Castiel kissed him back clumsily, but Dean steadied him, tightening his arm around his waist, pressing closer until their chests touched. He only pulled away when he felt something wet touch his cheek and wrist and for a moment, he thought it was raining, but then when he pulled away he saw that Castiel was crying.  


“Cas?” He stared at Castiel with concern, cupping his face still.  


“We’ve done this before,” Castiel whispered. “Haven’t we?”  


Dean blinked a few times, his mouth opening and closing in shock. “You remember?”  


“I am remembering,” Castiel admitted quietly, blinking more tears down his cheeks.  


“Yeah Cas-we...we used to be lovers,” Dean said, pressing another kiss to Castiel’s lips. He wanted to sink his tongue into Castiel’s mouth and ravish his whole body with his mouth, but he also did not want to overwhelm Castiel either.  


“You were my first and last,” Castiel continued, his voice still in quiet awe.  


Dean blushed, ducking his head for a moment, wishing he could say the same. “I was?”  


Castiel nodded slowly, pulling away for a moment, looking around him at the garden as if he had never seen it before. “Yes….I….I never wanted anyone else….I think…”  


Dean blushed more, feeling the pressure build. “Huh-wow-...okay um….well no pressure Dean,” he muttered to himself, sliding his hand on top of Castiel’s slowly. “You remember anything else?”  


“Have we had sex?”  


“...um…..sorta-we...I mean we never-I never-.....” Dean stammered, tripping over his words as usual. “We’ve never like-...you know….had it all the way but yeah I-and you-...we’ve done stuff.”  


Castiel nodded slowly again, trying to remember. “Kiss me again Dean,” he said, grabbing the front of Dean’s shirt to pull him close. Dean complied and as soon as their lips met, Castiel gasped, yanking away at the flood of memories of younger versions of themselves clumsily touched each other in Dean’s car at night. “I was in your lap,” Castiel muttered, eyes shut. “You touched me-you made me-...you made me feel very good.”  


Dean flushed, staring at the grass in his embarrassment. “Um yeah I did.”  


“And then I-” Castiel tilted his head, the memory going blank again. “I don’t remember what else.”  


“Well don’t worry about it, okay? Just-if you remember, that’s okay, if you don’t, that’s okay too.” Dean took Castiel’s hand again. “Let’s go inside...a bed’s a lot better than the ground...I mean if you wanna do this that is...the sex thing…”  


Castiel nodded, gathering up his and Dean’s trash before, letting Dean take his hand and pull him back to the house, trying to be quiet, as everyone else was getting ready for sleep. Dean allowed Castiel to put the popsicle sticks and wrappers in the trashcan before leading him as quietly as they could up the wooden stairs, having learned which ones squeaked and which ones did not a while ago. “Your room or mine?” Dean whispered to him once they reached the top of the steps.  


Castiel stepped around him, pulling Dean off down the hall and to a door that revealed another set of steps. “Mine,” Castiel answered him, pulling him up the steps after the door was shut behind Dean. Castiel lived up on the top floor of the house in a large room that had huge, beautiful glass windows that allowed the light to come in every day. Dean had learned that Castiel enjoyed painting and drawing, so he had the room with the best light in the house. The plain walls were covered in pieces of paper with drawings of flowers, sunsets, trees, bees, and occasionally Dean would catch a glimpse of a drawing or painting of him. The splash of freckles and the green Castiel used to color his eyes always gave them away. Castiel was a good artist.  


“Cas you don’t have to do this, it’s cool if we just go to sleep or something…” Dean glanced over at Castiel’s bed which was a mess, covered in strewn blankets and sheets.  


“I want to Dean,” Castiel replied, turning around and nodding. “I want to.”  


“Okay.” Dean stepped closer to Castiel, sliding his hands slowly to those hips that Dean dreamt about, coveting them almost more than Castiel’s eyes. He pressed another kiss to Castiel’s lips, slowly nibbling and biting along his bottom lip until Castiel whimpered, chasing his mouth.  


“Dean-” he hissed, his eyes widening when Dean tugged the string that kept the loose cargo pants on Castiel’s waist until it was no longer knotted.  


“Shh Cas-I got you.” Dean leaned into him, pressing an eager kiss to Castiel’s neck, sliding his hand down until he could feel the heat of Castiel’s forming erection, teasing his fingers along his base.  


Castiel gasped, his hands going to Dean’s hips as well, squeezing mindlessly as Dean worked a rough hand up and down his erection, which throbbed in time with his heartbeat. His breath came in short gasps and he could only press his face against Dean’s chest. Heat gathered in his belly and his limbs stiffened. “Dean-” he whimpered again, his fingers digging into Dean’s hips.  


“I got you Baby,” Dean whispered, slicking Castiel’s length with his precome. “I got you, it’s okay. Just let it go.”  


A loud cry escaped Castiel’s throat and he felt an intense release from his body and when he looked down he could see that Dean’s fingers were coated with his cum. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, burying his face in Dean’s chest again. “I’m sorry.”  


“Cas don’t be sorry, it’s okay, that was the point,” Dean stroked Castiel’s hair with his clean hand. “I promise, that was supposed to happen.”  


Unexplained tears were falling down Castiel’s face and when he shut his eyes again, he remembered. He remembered the bright white light, the intense heat, and the screams. “I killed your mother,” he finally said, his voice breaking painfully.  


Dean froze, pulling away so he could see Castiel’s face. “What did you just say?”  


“Dean _I remember_. I remember that night, I remember what happened.” Castiel searched Dean’s eyes for anger or hatred, waiting to be struck down. “I am the reason you are broken and lonely. I did this to you...I caused you your pain and your suffering. I was a terrible angel.”  


“...no Cas-you weren’t a terrible angel-it wasn’t your fault, you were just trying to save your own life….I blamed you once but I don’t blame you anymore, okay? I’ve gotten past that. Don’t beat yourself up.” Dean cupped Castiel’s face gently, leaning into kiss him slowly. “Please don’t beat yourself up over this.”  


“You know I did this and you still wish to sleep with me?” Castiel asked in disbelief.  


“Yeah Cas because I’ve been able to let it go, and I need you to do the same. It’s okay, it was an accident, you didn’t mean for it to happen. I know that now, okay? It’s alright, really.” Dean pulled Castiel close, crushing their mouths together, desperately sliding his tongue into Castiel’s, hand sliding down the back of Castiel’s pants to grab a handful of that ass he had been dreaming about for most of his life.  


Castiel whimpered against Dean’s mouth, his hands fluttering along Dean’s chest, unsure of what to do or how to touch him. It was not until Dean stopped kissing and then just stared at him in complete shock that Castiel realized he had unconsciously revealed his wings. They were stretching the room, fluttering in excitement from Dean’s ministrations. His cheeks burned red and he gave Dean a shy look, his wings sliding into his body and quickly hiding him from view at his shame.  


“Whoa-Cas-hey-” Dean reached forward and peered in through the primaries, looking at Castiel’s cute embarrassed face. “They’re beautiful Cas, you don’t have to hide, it’s okay.”  


Castiel blushed more, his wings sliding back away from his body, pulling them in close to his back. “They are not beautiful Dean.”  


“What? Wha-no Cas they are-they’re so pretty-” Dean reached around Castiel to pull a wing gently out some, stroking the soft feathers. “They’re gorgeous.”  


“No,” Castiel lamented, slowly sitting on his bed. “My brothers had better wings that I did.”  


“But Cas they look so good-” Dean cut off, not wanting to accidentally tell Castiel about the torture that his body and wings had gone through. He was thoroughly impressed with Chuck’s healing. The night he had called Lisa in desperation, he had not known what would happen to Castiel. He just remembered how she had helped him up. And the conversation they had had.  


 _“Where are you taking him?” Dean had whispered desperately as they stood outside of her house, Castiel in her car already.  
_

_“To a sanctuary for angels, it’s run by a man named Chuck Shurley. He’s good with them, and a kind man. He also has good healing remedies, if anyone can fix Castiel’s wings, Chuck can. Okay? Just trust me one this.”_  


_Dean frowned at her, glancing over at Castiel in the car. “You promise he’ll get better?”_  


_“Yes Dean, but you have to let me take him, okay?”_  


_“Okay.”_  


“You like them?” Castiel asked, breaking Dean away from his memories.  


“Yeah Cas, I like them, they’re pretty.” Dean smiled, reaching out to continue to pet and stroke the feathers, frowning when some came off in his hand. “Hey is this normal?” Dean held out the feathers for Castiel to see.  


“Oh...I’m-I’m molting,” he admitted with an embarrassed smile.  


“You’re..you’re _what_?”  


“I’m shedding my feathers-they die and get replaced by new ones...it’s terribly annoying, I tend to drop feathers everywhere when it starts, I’m sorry.” Castiel fluttered his wing, pulling it close to his body again.  


“Oh-does it itch?” Dean asked, pulling Castiel’s wing back out, gently scratching and pulling some more dead feathers loose.  


Castiel moaned, his eyes shutting and back arching as Dean scratched. “That feels nice..”  


Dean blushed, hoping he was not somehow giving Castiel a weird angel handjob. “Um...what do you mean?”  


“I can’t reach back there,” Castiel said, trying to crane his neck back to where Dean was scratching. “It becomes almost unbearable until I’m rubbing against the door jambs.” Castiel pointed at the bedroom door and then the closet where the paint had begun to fade and chip.  


"So it does itch?” Dean scratched some more, moving to scratch the other wing as well, watching as dead feathers fluttered to the bed.  


“Yes it does.” Castiel sighed in contentment as Dean scratched and scratched, removing dead feathers gently, putting them in a pile. “Thank you Dean.”  


Dean smiled a little, collecting the feathers and setting them on the nightstand by Castiel’s bed. “Yeah no problem….can I keep them?” he asked timidly.  


“The feathers?”  


“Yeah...yeah can I keep them?”  


“If you wish to keep dead feathers, I suppose.” Castiel shrugged, twitching his wings and shaking them a little before they disappeared again.  


Dean gulped, sliding onto his knees behind Castiel, placing his palms along Castiel’s back, gently massaging and rubbing his muscles. “So um-...are we gonna…”  


“Have sex?” Castiel asked, turning out to rest on his knees as well, mimicking Dean’s behavior. “Yes.”  


“Okay cool-” Dean mentally kicked himself because cool was not what you were supposed to say right before having sex with the guy you have been wanting to have sex with for the last seventeen years now.  


Castiel smiled. “What do you want me to do?”  


“...ugh we should-take stuff off-” Dean removed his own shirt, tossing it to Castiel’s floor before unbuckling his belt, only then realizing that Castiel was staring at him with wide, wondrous eyes. “You okay?”  


“Dean you are beautiful..”  


“What? I am not-I-” Dean glanced down at his body which had suffered a bit since he had quit hunting two years ago, his stomach having gone a bit soft because of how much he loved pie and cheeseburgers.  


“Beautiful,” Castiel affirmed, sliding close to kiss him on the lips and then trail hot kisses down Dean’s neck to his chest.  


“Oh son of a bitch,” Dean gasped, eyes shutting tightly. “Fuck-”  


Castiel continued his kisses down to Dean’s belly, eagerly nibbling his flesh and watching Dean jump made him smile. “I like this part of you.”  


Dean wanted to roll his eyes and tell Castiel to stop lying, he knew he had gotten fat. “Come on Cas-cut the crap-”  


Castiel glanced up at Dean, blue eyes confused. “I don’t understand.”  


“I got fat, it’s cool, you can tell me, okay?” Dean had not intended to sound so angry and defensive but that was hot his tone had come out.  


“Dean you look fine,” Castiel frowned, going back to kissing and nibbling Dean’s tummy, going lower slowly until he kissed and sucked on Dean’s hipbone hard enough to give Dean a hickey.  


“Oh fuck-...Cas-um-here hold on-lemme um-” Dean reached down to wriggle out of his jeans and boxers, tossing them to the side and then simply collapsing down onto the bed, resting against the pillows. Castiel’s bed was soft and cozy, much better than his own bed. His cock bobbed and twitched, practically screaming for attention. “Could you-...”  


“Yes,” Castiel replied immediately, going back to kissing along his hip, before trailing his tongue along his pubic bone. The shock of blue eyes met Dean’s for a moment, his brows knitting in confusion. “Is it normal for me to want to kiss you here?”  


Dean gasped, nodding eagerly. “Yep.”  


“Okay, good.” Castiel smiled contentedly before kissing up Dean’s entire length, running the tip of his tongue over the head of Dean’s cock slowly. “Is this right?” Castiel asked quietly, going back to licking when Dean moaned in response. Castiel listened to Dean’s sounds, his hand copying Dean’s movements while his mouth and tongue ravished the head until he tasted salty precome. “Mmm.”  


Dean shuddered, pressing his palms into his eyes to try and distract himself from popping off right then. He took ragged and deep breaths, feeling his balls tighten and his thighs opening up. “Fuck Cas-I’m sorry-I’m gonna-” Dean cut off, groaning in half frustration and half pleasure as he came against Castiel’s mouth. Castiel jerked in surprise, shutting his eyes as his face was coated and painted with thick and sticky cum. “Fuck I’m sorry-” Dean sat up, looking for something to wipe Castiel’s face clean.  


“It’s okay Dean,” Castiel replied with a smile, blinking a few times, hoping none of it would get into his eyes.  


Dean blushed and gulped because Castiel painted in his cum was probably the sexiest thing he had ever seen in his entire life. “Um-” At a loss, Dean reached down and picked up his shirt, offering it over. “Here.”  
Castiel smiled, shutting his eyes again and wiping his face clean. “Thank you.”  


“Yeah...no problem-um...your turn.” Dean gestured at Castiel’s clothing. “You should take that off.”  


“Sure Dean.” Castiel smiled again, sitting up to remove his shirt and then finally wriggle out of the pants, sitting naked on the bed. “Now what?”  


Dean bit his lip, his eyes roaming over Castiel’s body hungrily. “You’re still sexy as fuck, you bastard. Come here.” Dean patted his lap, watching as Castiel crawled over to straddle his hips. “Last time we...the last time we were together, I told you that I wasn’t ready to go all the way with you but that I wanted to…….well I’m ready now.”  


Castiel smirked, leaning down to kiss Dean slowly. “I’m ready Dean.”  


Dean sighed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Castiel tightly, pulling him close until he could feel every part of the angel’s body against his. “Cas...Cas I love you….and I’m sorry I never told you before this.”  


Castiel kissed him again, slowly and tenderly. “I know Dean,” he whispered against Dean’s ear. “I remember.”  


Tears filled Dean’s eyes and he could only cup Castiel’s face in his hands, cradling him gently. “I don’t deserve you Cas, I don’t deserve any of this-I was awful-I was so...so awful...I did terrible things Cas-”  


“Shhhh,” Castiel whispered, running his fingers through Dean’s hair slowly. “I’m not angry with you Dean. If you want me to let what I did go, then I need you to do the same.”  


Dean nodded slowly, holding Castiel tightly, rubbing his back before slowly laying him down, pushing Castiel’s thighs apart. He pressed soft and eager kisses to the white flesh that had not seen the sun on the inside of Castiel’s thighs, sucking the surface until the blood vessels broke. He heard Castiel keen so Dean moved his mouth slowly down to his pelvis, tracing his tongue slowly down to Castiel’s sac and perineum.  


“ _Dean_ -” Castiel moaned, his fingers tightening in the bed’s sheets.  


Dean smiled, nuzzling Castiel’s thigh gently before kissing his rim, running his tongue along puckered flesh slowly. Castiel gasped and immediately pressed back against Dean’s tongue, legs opening as far as he could make them. Dean groaned in answer, using his thumbs to spread Castiel open, eagerly dipping his tongue inside of Castiel, licking and fucking his hole open. His own cock was aching and rubbing across the bed, making his need grow with intensity, moving his tongue deeply into Castiel, listening to the angel whimper and whine. Castiel made the prettiest sounds.  


“Dean please,” Castiel moaned, arching his hips up.  


Dean smiled, slowly pulling away. “You want my cock in you, is that what you’re whimpering and wriggling around about for? Hm?”  


Castiel nodded, his eyes glazed over, and his hands reaching for Dean desperately. “Please Dean-”  


“Okay, okay.” Dean gave Castiel another smile, lining himself up and moving slowly to press inside, feeling Castiel clench. “Relax, it’s okay Cas, just breathe and relax.”  


Castiel shuddered, forcing himself to breathe deeply, trying to relax his body. The sensation of Dean inside of him was one of the weirder sensations he had experienced on this earth, but then Dean was laying on top of him, pressing their bodies together all over. The intimate contact made him wrap his legs around Dean’s waist, and his arms around his shoulders, scratching and rubbing Dean’s back and ribs. Then he felt Dean’s hips move and Castiel began to wonder why he had not partaken in sexual intercouse before now.  


Dean pumped his hips slowly, listening to Castiel’s soft moans, and feeling his calloused hands rub along his body. “Baby you’re so sexy,” he whispered against Castiel’s chest, before kissing and nibbling at his collarbone. “And I missed you _so_ much.” He sat up a little so he could watch Castiel’s face, panting as he quickened his thrusts, reaching down to pump his hand along Castiel’s cock, rubbing the sensitive head with his thumb. The blue eyes that used to hold an entire universe were full of heated life, his pupils dilated, and the lids heavy and half closed in his pleasure. For a moment Dean could see Castiel’s power and beauty, and then he felt Castiel come, the angel’s cries of pleasure echoing in the room.  


Dean slammed into Castiel harder, listening to the bed squeak before finally coming and filling his angel up. “Son of a bitch-” Dean groaned, pressing his forehead into Castiel’s chest, digging his fingers into the bed. “Holy fucking shit Cas…”  


Castiel slid his arms around Dean’s shoulders again, squeezing him warmly. “I hope that means you are happy.”  


Dean chuckled. “Yeah, yeah I am….are you? Are you happy Cas?” He sat up, meeting Castiel’s eyes. When Castiel smiled, Dean could see the constellations again, and the life seemed to honestly return to him.  


“Yes Dean,” Castiel said quietly, running his fingers along Dean’s jaw lightly. “Very happy.”


	10. Beauty in Darkness

Dean glanced up at Castiel where he was quietly gardening. They had had their own house for a few years now, ever since Castiel had been able to leave the sanctuary behind. There were times when Dean forgot that Castiel was an angel but as he aged, he was reminded cruelly that one day he would die and Castiel would remain behind.  


Timeless.  


Sometimes, Castiel joked that he was really Dean’s guardian angel and when he died and went to the afterlife, Castiel would follow behind, but they both knew that was not true. Dean smiled softly at the flowers that Castiel had been growing, the bees buzzing around and pollinating and growing new life. Castiel still loved bees. Dean closed his eyes and thought back on his life and the mistakes he had made. Despite the fact that he had made up for all of them tenfold, tears still came unbidden to his eyes. Slowly, Castiel had regained all of his memories, and even though Castiel knew what he was, what Dean had become, Castiel loved him unconditionally. 

Castiel had always been able to find the beauty in darkness.

"Cas!" he called from the back porch. Castiel glanced up from his gardening, and for a moment Dean glimpsed his wings; large and miraculous. "Come on. Let's have lunch."


End file.
